B-Loven

[thewobert]

The scene opens with Buddy dressed all in black, his hair is dyed black and coated with gel, black eye shadow lines his eyelids, and his fingernails are covered in glossy black paint. He looks likes he should be in an emo punk band or at a gothic club reading some Edgar Allen Poe poetry. He wears a black shirt that says “Zevon Rules” in white paint. Suddenly, “Hall of the Mountain King”, a song by The Who, fills the scene. Buddy walks down the street with a smug look across his face. He marches down the sidewalk with an arrogant stance.

Buddy looks up ahead at a lovely looking woman pushing a stroller. She smiles toward Buddy as Buddy’s eyes gaze upon a cute baby boy holding a sucker. Buddy stops and looks down at the baby with a smile. He starts teasing the baby with his finger, making the baby giggle. Buddy chuckles to himself as suddenly, he snatches the lolly pop from the infant. The baby starts to scream as Buddy pigheadedly sticks the sucker into his mouth. The woman gives Buddy an extremely dirty look.

“What are you doing?!” The woman blurts out.

“Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Ho ho ho! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! guzzler!” Buddy curses out the lady (The word Blasphemy has been chosen by the Censors to be used for adult language).

“How dare you!” The woman says in shock.

“Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Monkey Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Smelling like a raw fish Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! In the son Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Powder in your eyes mother Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Bitch!” Buddy shouts in the woman’s face and then slaps her across the face.

“Buddy! What the hell is the matter with you sucka?!” Big Norm comes running up from behind.

“What do you want you stupid lackey?” Buddy barks down at his companion.

“Lackey? What the hell?” Big Norm barks back.

“That’s all you are weakling. Everybody under me is just a stepping stool to my greatness!” Buddy praises himself.

“What the hell are you talking about sucka? What’s wrong with you Buddy?” Big Norm asks angrily.

“Buddy? That delinquent and waste of oxygen? Pssssh. That bum doesn’t even belong in the ring with me! I’m B-Loven! The masterpiece of wrestling world! I am the son of the Wrestling God Kitters!” B-Loven shouts to the sky.

“What the hell-” Big Norm starts before catching a thumb to the eye and a knee to the groin.

“On your knees lackey!” Buddy commands and pushes Big Norm onto his knees in a puddle.

Big Norm gasps for breath as B-Loven steps onto his back and over the puddle. B-Loven starts walking down the street, and passes a sad, blind, homeless man holding out a can for loose change. B-Loven laughs evilly and swipes the can out of the man’s grasp. He continues to laugh as he trips a young kid going by on his roller blades. The kid flies face first into a puddle of mud, much to B-Loven’s amusement. He comes up to a newly painted white fence. B-Loven snickers as he pulls out a black spray can from his pocket. He laughs as he tags the fence. “JRZ was here” and “Here we go again, there you go again, and for Nixon’s sake, Jesus rapes Uncle Sam!” becomes sprayed across the fence.

B-Loven laughs at his art and hurls the spray can through the windshield of a 1998 Ford Taurus. He walks by, spitting at an elderly woman that gives him a dirty look. He looks over to the other side of the street at a young man carrying a bouquet of roses for his girlfriend. B-Loven darts across the street, knocking off a man on his bike with a clothesline along the way. B-Loven comes up behind the young man and gives him a low blow, and an atomic drop for good measure. B-Loven picks up the roses and rips off the petals off the top of the stems.

“Ha ha ha ha ha! One if Buddy sucks! Two if Buddy sucks! Three if Buddy sucks! Ha ha ha! I guess I’m not going to lose!” B-Loven laughs to himself.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Buddy yells out as he jolts up from his couch.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Big Norm screams as he is caught by surprised.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Buddy continues his yell as he hops up the couch and tries to figure out where he is at.

“What the hell sucka!” Big Norm shouts and slaps Buddy.

“Where am I?” Buddy yelps.

“You were asleep on the couch!” Big Norm barks into Buddy’s face.

“Oh my god……….. it was a dream…….” Buddy says in amazement.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Big Norm says as he sits back down.

“I had this dream, that I was this emo kid, who was obsessed with evil and was romantically obsessed with Zevon!” Buddy declares in shock.

“What?!” Big Norm coughs on his cigarette.

“Yeah dude, I don’t think I liked being an evil dude, dude…….. Zevon must be a sick individual to attract fans like that. Evil is not cool dude......” Buddy shakes his head.

“Well dude, good always conquers evil. Didn’t you know that sucka?” Big Norm barks.

“Of course I did dude…….” Buddy replies as there is a knock at the door, and Big Norm is handed a package.

“Awesome sucka!” Big Norm shouts in joy.

“What’s that dude? A sandwich?” Buddy asks.

“Na sucka! It’s a poster of Zevon I ordered so I can hang it above my bed. I want to be Zevon so bad sucka! I want the brains, the charisma, and I want to be an artist!” Big Norm shouts.

“Well my friend, we do all need idols, even if they are villains.” Buddy comments.

“What do you think?” Big Norm says as he shows Buddy the poster with a smile.

“Dude! Does he have his thumb up that cat’s behind?” Buddy shouts and at the poster of Zevon holding Mr. Kitters.

“What the……….”