Post by jasonresurrection on Jul 9, 2007 22:36:31 GMT -6
The camera fades in on what can only be described as an..odd..scene. Jason Resurrection is sitting on a throne made of (really fake looking) bones. There's a black computer sitting next to him, and it's also been decked out in various cheesy halloween decorations. Written on the side of it is "COMPUTER OF DOOM." The Misfits' rendition of "Great Balls Of Fire" can be heard in the background. And speaking of the background, what a background it is. Posters of b-horror movies litter the walls, along with some Misfits posters and random halloween decorations. Off to the side, we can see some other "zombies", who are all eating some sort of uncooked meat..wonder what it is. They're also watching Dawn Of The Dead on an old black and white TV. They're rooting for the zombies, of course. As someone gets chomped on, they roar in approval. The camera focuses back on Jason, who's absentmindedly sipping on a cocktail and looking at his computer screen. He looks back over to the camera, and smiles.
Jason: "GOOD EVENING BOILS AND GHOULS! For those of you who have the misfortune of not knowing me, I am Jason Resurrection, POW's resident living dead. Now it seems as though I've already been booked for this week's Road To Ocean City Slam! Coming to Fairfield, Maine! We're going to Maine, guys, you know what that means!?"
Zombies in unison, barely looking away from the TV: "BRAAAAAINS..."
Jason: "No, you fools! Lobster, potatoes, and clam chowder! We shall feast like kings!"
Zombies: "Braaaains?"
Jason: "Well, I'm sure lobsters have brains."
Zombies: "BRAAAAAINS!"
The zombies go back to watching Dawn Of The Dead. One of the zombies in the film gets shot, causing them to boo.
Jason: "Well, I myself just want some clam chowder. Brains are good and all, but I just always seem to want more. Now, my first match seems to be a tag match. A three way tag, actually. And one pair of opponents just happen to be the POW New England tag-team champions! What a glorious day it would be for all zombie-kind if I were to get a pinfall victory over the champions! The Final Cut! Daye and Night! Let me clue you in on something, boys. Have you ever watched any good zombie movies? If you had, you'd know there's only one "Day" and one "Night." Day of the Dead, and Night of the Living Dead! When I'm done, you'll be glad to be in touch with your zombie roots, my friends! Oh, what a glorious tranformation it will be!"
Zombie who got bored with the movie: "BRAAAAINS..."
Jason: "What's that you say, George? I'm forgetting the other team! But of course! Thank you George!"
George: "Braaaains..."
Jason: "Yes, yes. You may have some brains. They're in the bucket in the corner."
The zombie walks over to the corner, and starts eating an undetermined gray slop from a bucket.
Jason: "Yes, the other tag-team in my match. Dante Bishop and Mikey Badass. I saw the DVD taping, and you two didn't seem to fair so well in that giant 8-man match for the title shot, did you? But you have the luck of facing me and the Tag Team champions! Though it isn't a title shot, you can still learn from your defeat! And if you're so shamed in your loss that you wish to die...just tell me! Life is always better with more zombies around, right guys!?"
Zombies: "Braaains..."
Jason: "ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING!"
Zombies: "BRAAAAAINS!"
Jason: "Much better!"
George: "Braaains...B-Braaaains?"
Jason: "My god! I did forget about my partner! Thanks, George! Now, it seems that I've been partnered with a man I've never even heard of before. Actually, I didn't even see his name on the POW New England roster. Maybe I overlooked it. But luckily, I'll look him up on the doom machine!"
Jason swivels around on his bonethrone, and begins to type on the computer. We can see his screen for the mostpart, and he types in 'http://www.zoogle.com'. The page loads, and the almost all-black page reads "Welcome to zoogle, the only search engine for Zombies!" Jason types in "King Cobra" and hits enter. He leans forward in excitement, and squeals in delight as the page loads.
Jason: "Well, I'm sure to win now, boils and ghouls! That's all from The Zombie's Crypt for this week, I have to go and look for a good place to get clam chowder when I'm in Maine!"
Jason leaps up from the bonethrone, turns off his monitor, and runs off camera. George walks over to the computer slowly, and sits in the bonethrone. As he turns on the monitor, we can see what Jason was excited about!
George: "Cobraaaaa..."
The picture on Jason's monitor:
As we fade out, we see George click out of the window, then open a new window. We go to black as we see 'http://www.zombieporn.com' typed into the URL bar.
Jason: "GOOD EVENING BOILS AND GHOULS! For those of you who have the misfortune of not knowing me, I am Jason Resurrection, POW's resident living dead. Now it seems as though I've already been booked for this week's Road To Ocean City Slam! Coming to Fairfield, Maine! We're going to Maine, guys, you know what that means!?"
Zombies in unison, barely looking away from the TV: "BRAAAAAINS..."
Jason: "No, you fools! Lobster, potatoes, and clam chowder! We shall feast like kings!"
Zombies: "Braaaains?"
Jason: "Well, I'm sure lobsters have brains."
Zombies: "BRAAAAAINS!"
The zombies go back to watching Dawn Of The Dead. One of the zombies in the film gets shot, causing them to boo.
Jason: "Well, I myself just want some clam chowder. Brains are good and all, but I just always seem to want more. Now, my first match seems to be a tag match. A three way tag, actually. And one pair of opponents just happen to be the POW New England tag-team champions! What a glorious day it would be for all zombie-kind if I were to get a pinfall victory over the champions! The Final Cut! Daye and Night! Let me clue you in on something, boys. Have you ever watched any good zombie movies? If you had, you'd know there's only one "Day" and one "Night." Day of the Dead, and Night of the Living Dead! When I'm done, you'll be glad to be in touch with your zombie roots, my friends! Oh, what a glorious tranformation it will be!"
Zombie who got bored with the movie: "BRAAAAINS..."
Jason: "What's that you say, George? I'm forgetting the other team! But of course! Thank you George!"
George: "Braaaains..."
Jason: "Yes, yes. You may have some brains. They're in the bucket in the corner."
The zombie walks over to the corner, and starts eating an undetermined gray slop from a bucket.
Jason: "Yes, the other tag-team in my match. Dante Bishop and Mikey Badass. I saw the DVD taping, and you two didn't seem to fair so well in that giant 8-man match for the title shot, did you? But you have the luck of facing me and the Tag Team champions! Though it isn't a title shot, you can still learn from your defeat! And if you're so shamed in your loss that you wish to die...just tell me! Life is always better with more zombies around, right guys!?"
Zombies: "Braaains..."
Jason: "ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING!"
Zombies: "BRAAAAAINS!"
Jason: "Much better!"
George: "Braaains...B-Braaaains?"
Jason: "My god! I did forget about my partner! Thanks, George! Now, it seems that I've been partnered with a man I've never even heard of before. Actually, I didn't even see his name on the POW New England roster. Maybe I overlooked it. But luckily, I'll look him up on the doom machine!"
Jason swivels around on his bonethrone, and begins to type on the computer. We can see his screen for the mostpart, and he types in 'http://www.zoogle.com'. The page loads, and the almost all-black page reads "Welcome to zoogle, the only search engine for Zombies!" Jason types in "King Cobra" and hits enter. He leans forward in excitement, and squeals in delight as the page loads.
Jason: "Well, I'm sure to win now, boils and ghouls! That's all from The Zombie's Crypt for this week, I have to go and look for a good place to get clam chowder when I'm in Maine!"
Jason leaps up from the bonethrone, turns off his monitor, and runs off camera. George walks over to the computer slowly, and sits in the bonethrone. As he turns on the monitor, we can see what Jason was excited about!
George: "Cobraaaaa..."
The picture on Jason's monitor:
As we fade out, we see George click out of the window, then open a new window. We go to black as we see 'http://www.zombieporn.com' typed into the URL bar.