Post by heyjackkerouac on Jun 21, 2007 10:05:27 GMT -6
Eddie Jones is standing in front of a black backdrop with the words “Power On Wrestling: New England” in big, bold, white letters on it. Eddie stands facing the camera. At his side, Lee Cash is standing by with a microphone.
Cash: I’m here with Eddie Jones, a newcomer to the New England side of Power On Wrestling. Eddie, your first match in New England is slated to be against another newcomer, President Robert Pilskin. Recently, a bomb threat was purportedly made in the city of Pittsburgh, where you are set to debut in POW:NE. The Prez has made claims that you may be behind the bombing scare. Do you have anything to comment on that?
Eddie: Yes I do, Lee. The President has made these outrageous claims and has fooled the entire New England area into thinking that I have been behind this whole bombing crap. Pilskin is obviously using his political connections to tarnish my good name and turn the country against me.
Cash: Certain sources have claimed that you were held in custody by the FBI. Care to share any light on that?
Eddie: Well Lee, I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I was held in custody.
Cash: What does that mean?
Eddie: You know what it means.
Cash: So you were taken into custody?
Eddie: Again, I can neither confirm nor deny that. But between you and me, let’s just say I’d be sitting in Guantanamo right now if I didn’t agree to certain demands made by a certain federal agency that may or may not have held me captive.
Cash: OK. So, are any of these scare tactics affecting your approach on this match?
Eddie: Hell no! The President might be trying to sabotage, blackmail or discourage me from entering this matchup, but I plan on still coming in with a full 100%. His scare tactics might work with guys like “Scooter” Libby, but they won’t stop me. Hell, they won’t even work on Nancy Pelosi. Why would I fall victim to these scare tactics. I will not just step back and get walked all over. I will continue to push forward and fight my fight.
Cash: Do you have any particular strategies for the Prez?
Eddie: I do have some ideas to try against the President. I’ve been thinking about bringing Michael Moore ringside, that’ll draw some of the attention away from me. The I can sneak attack while Pilskin works out a smear campaign and I can get the upper hand.
Or maybe I should bring Ralph Nader ringside? Nah, that wouldn’t work, the Prez would just congratulate him for helping him out the last election.
Oh yeah, I might just try bringing in some ex-KGB members to take out those CIA guys. I know a guy with connections to the Kazakhstan mafia, I’m sure they have a KGB guy laying around somewhere.
Cash: Sounds like some serious strategizing. What if you get arrested again before the show on Sunday?
Eddie: Well, that is always a likely possibility. I’m sure as hell am hoping not because I’m not sure how much more my genitals can take. Oh shit, I wasn’t supposed to reveal any details. f**k!
Cash: Umm, OK. So has there been any kind of torture involved in your holding?
Eddie: NO! No torture at all! All we did was talk! Yeah, just a little chat.
*muttering under breath*I hope they don’t see any of this.
Cash: Don’t see what?
Eddie: Nothing! Nothing at all! Just wishful speaking! Ummm, yeah. I gotta go. I’ll see everyone at the show on Sunday and I’ll show the President that his tactics will remain ineffective against Eddie Jones. But until then, I gotta go NOW. Peace out!
Eddie Jones exits from the view of the camera quickly. Leaving just Lee Cash.
Cash: It appears Eddie Jones is ready for President Robert Pilskin this weekend. We all look forward to this big matchup between POW:NE newcomers and, I for one, am excited to see this packed card for Sunday.
Thomas Knight and Steven Thompson appear on either side of Lee Cash.
Knight: Excuse me sir, have you seen Eddie Jones lately?
Cash: Ummm, yeah, he was just here.
Knight: Where did he go?
Cash: I don’t know, he just said he had to go and left quickly.
Knight: All right sir. Thank you for your help. If you see him again, call us immediately. You’d be doing your country a big favor.
Knight hands Cash a business card.
Cash: Ummm, OK.
Knight and Thompson leave and Lee Cash is once again left alone.
Cash: I’m here with Eddie Jones, a newcomer to the New England side of Power On Wrestling. Eddie, your first match in New England is slated to be against another newcomer, President Robert Pilskin. Recently, a bomb threat was purportedly made in the city of Pittsburgh, where you are set to debut in POW:NE. The Prez has made claims that you may be behind the bombing scare. Do you have anything to comment on that?
Eddie: Yes I do, Lee. The President has made these outrageous claims and has fooled the entire New England area into thinking that I have been behind this whole bombing crap. Pilskin is obviously using his political connections to tarnish my good name and turn the country against me.
Cash: Certain sources have claimed that you were held in custody by the FBI. Care to share any light on that?
Eddie: Well Lee, I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I was held in custody.
Cash: What does that mean?
Eddie: You know what it means.
Cash: So you were taken into custody?
Eddie: Again, I can neither confirm nor deny that. But between you and me, let’s just say I’d be sitting in Guantanamo right now if I didn’t agree to certain demands made by a certain federal agency that may or may not have held me captive.
Cash: OK. So, are any of these scare tactics affecting your approach on this match?
Eddie: Hell no! The President might be trying to sabotage, blackmail or discourage me from entering this matchup, but I plan on still coming in with a full 100%. His scare tactics might work with guys like “Scooter” Libby, but they won’t stop me. Hell, they won’t even work on Nancy Pelosi. Why would I fall victim to these scare tactics. I will not just step back and get walked all over. I will continue to push forward and fight my fight.
Cash: Do you have any particular strategies for the Prez?
Eddie: I do have some ideas to try against the President. I’ve been thinking about bringing Michael Moore ringside, that’ll draw some of the attention away from me. The I can sneak attack while Pilskin works out a smear campaign and I can get the upper hand.
Or maybe I should bring Ralph Nader ringside? Nah, that wouldn’t work, the Prez would just congratulate him for helping him out the last election.
Oh yeah, I might just try bringing in some ex-KGB members to take out those CIA guys. I know a guy with connections to the Kazakhstan mafia, I’m sure they have a KGB guy laying around somewhere.
Cash: Sounds like some serious strategizing. What if you get arrested again before the show on Sunday?
Eddie: Well, that is always a likely possibility. I’m sure as hell am hoping not because I’m not sure how much more my genitals can take. Oh shit, I wasn’t supposed to reveal any details. f**k!
Cash: Umm, OK. So has there been any kind of torture involved in your holding?
Eddie: NO! No torture at all! All we did was talk! Yeah, just a little chat.
*muttering under breath*I hope they don’t see any of this.
Cash: Don’t see what?
Eddie: Nothing! Nothing at all! Just wishful speaking! Ummm, yeah. I gotta go. I’ll see everyone at the show on Sunday and I’ll show the President that his tactics will remain ineffective against Eddie Jones. But until then, I gotta go NOW. Peace out!
Eddie Jones exits from the view of the camera quickly. Leaving just Lee Cash.
Cash: It appears Eddie Jones is ready for President Robert Pilskin this weekend. We all look forward to this big matchup between POW:NE newcomers and, I for one, am excited to see this packed card for Sunday.
Thomas Knight and Steven Thompson appear on either side of Lee Cash.
Knight: Excuse me sir, have you seen Eddie Jones lately?
Cash: Ummm, yeah, he was just here.
Knight: Where did he go?
Cash: I don’t know, he just said he had to go and left quickly.
Knight: All right sir. Thank you for your help. If you see him again, call us immediately. You’d be doing your country a big favor.
Knight hands Cash a business card.
Cash: Ummm, OK.
Knight and Thompson leave and Lee Cash is once again left alone.