Post by thewobert on May 30, 2007 0:17:51 GMT -6
The scene fades open in front of Bunny Hoppers; a strip club off of the highway in Bel Air, Maryland. Loud, techno-like music fills the air. A barrage of yellow, purple, pink, and red lights shine through the dimly lit club. The camera slowly trots through the club, passing by the random men and scantily clad ladies. The camera goes down to a trotting Big Norm. He struts past people with a wad of singles in the front pocket in his purple dress shirt and large golden chain. He stops for a moment and stares at the neon pink thong of a Latin chick.
“Big Norm, the foot-long midget here…... Buddy and I are here with another edition of Buddy’s Gone Wild.”
“That’s right dude…..” Buddy comes staggering up with dozens of beads hanging from his neck and big pink sunglasses on. Buddy gives the “Buddy Jesus” look for the camera while holding a few singles.
“Where are we tonight Buddy?” Big Norm says as he slips a dollar under the string of a girl’s thong.
“We are here live from Bunny Hoppers, right here, in Bel Air, Maryland!” Buddy waits for a crowd pop that never comes.
“You think we will run into Willy?” Big Norm ponders.
“Who is Willy?” Buddy asks.
“Willy Smith! You don’t know Willy Smith? The Prince of Bel Air?!” Big Norm shouts out.
“I’m thinking you mean Will Smith…..” Buddy corrects.
“Na Buddy, Willy Smith! Sucka owes me a sandwich.”
“Dude, everybody owes you a sandwich…….”
“So why are we here tonight Buddy?”
“We are here handing out free Buddy Beads, only $1.69 or you can earn them, wink wink wink.” Buddy gives an obvious wink.
“Is that all? Beads and dollar bills?”
“Na dude, we are relaxing before my big match Mick Cormac……” Buddy trails off while watching a girl swing on the gold pole.
“Didn’t you beat him already dude?”
“Me and Toro did dude…… But this time, it’s me versus him with a catch…..” Buddy trails off again and reaches his arm out to the brunette in the green thong.
“A catch?”
“That’s right dude. Cormac has to have a hand tied behind his back. Punishment for hitting Toro with the bat and his outrageous behavior.”
“Dirty fighters always get paid back in full.”
“That’s Mr. Lovejoy’s plan…..” Buddy moves toward the stage.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Dude, I’m going to try and sober Cormac up.”
“With your fists?”
“Brawler to brawler, it’s going to be a slug fest.”
Suddenly, the camera is outside as Buddy and Big Norm are thrown through the front doors to the street. They both topple down the sidewalk and land in a muddy puddle. They both look at each other and wipe the mud from their faces. Buddy stands up and shakes the mud off his colorful clothing.
“I should have seen that coming…..” Buddy says as he shakes his head in disgust.
“Buddy, you can’t stick your finger up a girl’s behind in front of everybody and think you can get away with it!” Big Norm shouts.
“Well, she called me sweetie and I thought-”
“You thought what? Sweetie means stick a finger in my as-”
“Gentlemen, Mr. Rico has requested that you do not try to reenter the club.” A large man in a tight Raven’s jersey walks up to them.
“Holy hell Batman! It’s….it’s….” Buddy starts.
“Ray f’ing Lewis!” Big Norm finishes.
“That’s right boys. Now you two better get back before I show you the real meaning of being sacked.”
“Come on dude, we’re just trying to relax before my big match on Sunday against Mick Cormac.”
“You’re facing Cormac on Sunday? He is going to kick your ass Ravens style!”
“I don’t know dude, he’s got to have an arm tied behind his back. It’s going to be a disadvantage for him since he is a brawler like me. A punch’s most precious weapon is his two fists.”
“Even with one arm gone, he still got his size, his shoulders, his legs, his knees, his gut and his head.”
“Sorry Mr. Lewis, but I do think I know a few things about brawling.”
Suddenly Ray Lewis charges at Buddy and tackles him. He lifts Buddy up with just his shoulder and plants him down hard onto the pavement. Buddy lands with a thud and is out cold. Lewis stands above him and stares down at him with a stone cold look.
“You don’t only use your fists if you’re a brawler you tie-dyed wuss!”
“Damn….” Big Norm barks.
“What the hell you say?!”
“Mr. Lewis….. will you sign my ruler?”
“What?!”
“Never mind….. I guess that’s the end of the show. For Buddy, this is Big Norm signing off. Never touch a stripper-”
“Dancer asshole!”
“Dancer….. right……”
“Damn right it is……. That’s the word of the day when I’m the bouncer at-”
“That… isn’t the word of the day……” Buddy groans. “Big Norm?”
“Manboobs!” Big Norm shouts as he stares at Ray Lewis’s buffed chest.
“Big Norm, the foot-long midget here…... Buddy and I are here with another edition of Buddy’s Gone Wild.”
“That’s right dude…..” Buddy comes staggering up with dozens of beads hanging from his neck and big pink sunglasses on. Buddy gives the “Buddy Jesus” look for the camera while holding a few singles.
“Where are we tonight Buddy?” Big Norm says as he slips a dollar under the string of a girl’s thong.
“We are here live from Bunny Hoppers, right here, in Bel Air, Maryland!” Buddy waits for a crowd pop that never comes.
“You think we will run into Willy?” Big Norm ponders.
“Who is Willy?” Buddy asks.
“Willy Smith! You don’t know Willy Smith? The Prince of Bel Air?!” Big Norm shouts out.
“I’m thinking you mean Will Smith…..” Buddy corrects.
“Na Buddy, Willy Smith! Sucka owes me a sandwich.”
“Dude, everybody owes you a sandwich…….”
“So why are we here tonight Buddy?”
“We are here handing out free Buddy Beads, only $1.69 or you can earn them, wink wink wink.” Buddy gives an obvious wink.
“Is that all? Beads and dollar bills?”
“Na dude, we are relaxing before my big match Mick Cormac……” Buddy trails off while watching a girl swing on the gold pole.
“Didn’t you beat him already dude?”
“Me and Toro did dude…… But this time, it’s me versus him with a catch…..” Buddy trails off again and reaches his arm out to the brunette in the green thong.
“A catch?”
“That’s right dude. Cormac has to have a hand tied behind his back. Punishment for hitting Toro with the bat and his outrageous behavior.”
“Dirty fighters always get paid back in full.”
“That’s Mr. Lovejoy’s plan…..” Buddy moves toward the stage.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Dude, I’m going to try and sober Cormac up.”
“With your fists?”
“Brawler to brawler, it’s going to be a slug fest.”
Suddenly, the camera is outside as Buddy and Big Norm are thrown through the front doors to the street. They both topple down the sidewalk and land in a muddy puddle. They both look at each other and wipe the mud from their faces. Buddy stands up and shakes the mud off his colorful clothing.
“I should have seen that coming…..” Buddy says as he shakes his head in disgust.
“Buddy, you can’t stick your finger up a girl’s behind in front of everybody and think you can get away with it!” Big Norm shouts.
“Well, she called me sweetie and I thought-”
“You thought what? Sweetie means stick a finger in my as-”
“Gentlemen, Mr. Rico has requested that you do not try to reenter the club.” A large man in a tight Raven’s jersey walks up to them.
“Holy hell Batman! It’s….it’s….” Buddy starts.
“Ray f’ing Lewis!” Big Norm finishes.
“That’s right boys. Now you two better get back before I show you the real meaning of being sacked.”
“Come on dude, we’re just trying to relax before my big match on Sunday against Mick Cormac.”
“You’re facing Cormac on Sunday? He is going to kick your ass Ravens style!”
“I don’t know dude, he’s got to have an arm tied behind his back. It’s going to be a disadvantage for him since he is a brawler like me. A punch’s most precious weapon is his two fists.”
“Even with one arm gone, he still got his size, his shoulders, his legs, his knees, his gut and his head.”
“Sorry Mr. Lewis, but I do think I know a few things about brawling.”
Suddenly Ray Lewis charges at Buddy and tackles him. He lifts Buddy up with just his shoulder and plants him down hard onto the pavement. Buddy lands with a thud and is out cold. Lewis stands above him and stares down at him with a stone cold look.
“You don’t only use your fists if you’re a brawler you tie-dyed wuss!”
“Damn….” Big Norm barks.
“What the hell you say?!”
“Mr. Lewis….. will you sign my ruler?”
“What?!”
“Never mind….. I guess that’s the end of the show. For Buddy, this is Big Norm signing off. Never touch a stripper-”
“Dancer asshole!”
“Dancer….. right……”
“Damn right it is……. That’s the word of the day when I’m the bouncer at-”
“That… isn’t the word of the day……” Buddy groans. “Big Norm?”
“Manboobs!” Big Norm shouts as he stares at Ray Lewis’s buffed chest.