Post by fdcm on Mar 23, 2007 0:30:42 GMT -6
To whom it may concern:
I represent the latest addition to Power On Wrestling, the World Heavyweight Champion, Mr. Flying Diamond Cutter Man. On behalf of Mr. Diamond Cutter Man, I have compiled a list of amenities which Mr. Diamond Cutter Man requires be present in his personal dressing room at all times, at the site of all Power On Wrestling shows and events of which he is a part, as well as any of which he does not happen to be a part, just in case he decides to show up.
Mr. Diamond Cutter Man will, of course, be requiring his own private dressing room with ample space for his own personal furniture (which we will be shipping shortly), as well as a spacious personal bathroom with tub and shower.
Mr. Diamond Cutter Man's demands for his private quarters are:
-A double-king size bed shaped like a heart, with silk sheets made from Ningbo Dunhuang fabric imported from China.
-At the very least, seven (7) bottles of Cristal brand champagne on ice each night.
-The entirety of Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time (excluding John Lennon's Plastic Ono Band, cuz ew), one copy each of vinyl and CD, along with a high-quality stereo and record player on which to play them.
-A hi-def 60" flatscreen TV with a DVD player. A list of 50 DVDs which Mr. Diamond Cutter Man also requires will be faxed to your offices at later date, after he has finished compiling it.
-A complete drum kit. Mr. Diamond Cutter Man prefers Tama drums, Zildjian cymbals and Remo drumheads, but he is flexible.
-A functioning jacuzzi.
-A monkey wearing a fez hat. As an added bonus, the monkey should be able to play the aforementioned drums, but this is not necessary.
-A 5-gallon glass punch bowl filled with M&M's brand chocolate candies. Mr. Diamond Cutter Man requires that all of the brown-colored M&M's be removed, as he feels it is redundant to coat chocolate in brown candy.
-Fourteen (14) boxes of Trojan brand condoms. (not intended for use with aforementioned monkey)
-Two (2) each of every item on the Jack in the Box fast food restaurant's menu. Of course he won't be eating the whole thing, but this way he has choices.
-One (1) bottle of bubble bath. The brand is your choice.
Let me say in advance that we truly appreciate the cooperation of your company in ensuring the comfort and happiness of your new most valuable employee. I look forward to contacting you in the future to ensure my client is satisfied with your accomodations in the workplace.
Yours truly,
Ken Rosenberg, Esq.
Representing the Friends and Supporters of Flying Diamond Cutter Man, World Heavyweight Champion
I represent the latest addition to Power On Wrestling, the World Heavyweight Champion, Mr. Flying Diamond Cutter Man. On behalf of Mr. Diamond Cutter Man, I have compiled a list of amenities which Mr. Diamond Cutter Man requires be present in his personal dressing room at all times, at the site of all Power On Wrestling shows and events of which he is a part, as well as any of which he does not happen to be a part, just in case he decides to show up.
Mr. Diamond Cutter Man will, of course, be requiring his own private dressing room with ample space for his own personal furniture (which we will be shipping shortly), as well as a spacious personal bathroom with tub and shower.
Mr. Diamond Cutter Man's demands for his private quarters are:
-A double-king size bed shaped like a heart, with silk sheets made from Ningbo Dunhuang fabric imported from China.
-At the very least, seven (7) bottles of Cristal brand champagne on ice each night.
-The entirety of Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time (excluding John Lennon's Plastic Ono Band, cuz ew), one copy each of vinyl and CD, along with a high-quality stereo and record player on which to play them.
-A hi-def 60" flatscreen TV with a DVD player. A list of 50 DVDs which Mr. Diamond Cutter Man also requires will be faxed to your offices at later date, after he has finished compiling it.
-A complete drum kit. Mr. Diamond Cutter Man prefers Tama drums, Zildjian cymbals and Remo drumheads, but he is flexible.
-A functioning jacuzzi.
-A monkey wearing a fez hat. As an added bonus, the monkey should be able to play the aforementioned drums, but this is not necessary.
-A 5-gallon glass punch bowl filled with M&M's brand chocolate candies. Mr. Diamond Cutter Man requires that all of the brown-colored M&M's be removed, as he feels it is redundant to coat chocolate in brown candy.
-Fourteen (14) boxes of Trojan brand condoms. (not intended for use with aforementioned monkey)
-Two (2) each of every item on the Jack in the Box fast food restaurant's menu. Of course he won't be eating the whole thing, but this way he has choices.
-One (1) bottle of bubble bath. The brand is your choice.
Let me say in advance that we truly appreciate the cooperation of your company in ensuring the comfort and happiness of your new most valuable employee. I look forward to contacting you in the future to ensure my client is satisfied with your accomodations in the workplace.
Yours truly,
Ken Rosenberg, Esq.
Representing the Friends and Supporters of Flying Diamond Cutter Man, World Heavyweight Champion