Post by fdcm on Apr 24, 2007 0:46:16 GMT -6
The scene opens with Greg Kilgreen standing next to a generic, but determined looking wrestler, a young man with long dark hair and green trunks staring intensely into the camera.
Kilgreen: Hello again POW fans, Greg Kilgreen here with the latest addition to the POW roster -
Incredibly Masculine Baritone Voice: Hold it right there!!!!
From off-camera, FDCM strolls into the shot. As usual, he's dressed ridiculously, wearing a snow-white fur coat and what appears to be a gigantic neon green sombrero. On either side of him stands a Flying Diamond Cutter Girl, each fanning him with a huge palm leaf. Without even looking at the new guy, FDCM removes his hat and hands it to him to hold. After staring dumbfounded at it for a moment, Joe Wrestler angrily drops it to the ground, at which point one of the girls obediently scoops it up.
FDCM: My apologies, gentlemen, but I'm afraid I require this screen time for something far more important!
Kilgreen: What? But you've got your own interview segment in like 15 minutes...
FDCM: Dammit Kenshin there's no time!!!! This can't wait. It must be said NOW.
Jobber: Look, I don't know who you are, but...
FDCM: WHAT!?!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!?!?!?
Behind him, the Flying Diamond Cutter Girls collectively wince as FDCM fumes comically at the new guy.
FDCM: You see this, Karraba!? This is the problem exactly! People are forgetting! Forgetting the legend of the Real World Champion!!
I've tried my best to keep it from happening, but it's just no use. Power On Wrestling, no, the wrestling world as a whole, is being consumed by a sea of mediocrity! Thousands upon thousands of so-called "champions," carting around worthless championship belts and claiming dominion over all, while REAL champions like myself are lost in the shuffle!
Just take my opponents this week...they are a perfect example. Kaleb Shadix...is the so-called "Midwest Television Champion." Explain that to me, please. He's a champion...but only in the midwest...and, only when he's on television? Well correct me if I'm wrong...but POW's "TV" consists of tape-delayed syndication at 1 in the morning. I've been awake at 1 in the morning and believe me, the only guys that are awake to be watching wrestling at that hour are so stoned they aren't even gonna remember it the next day! So explain to me, then, the legitimacy of a "television" champion! By definition, he is a farce, put up as a pretty face on graveyard shift TV to represent this bullshit company!
And Lestat!? Who is this guy!? Some dark evil monkey that showed up, stole Mr. Sunshine's bitch and...
Kilgreen: Wait, wait, wait. Time out, Champ. You think his name is Mr. Sunshine?
FDCM: ...well, yeah. What else would it be?
Jobber: ...isn't that Mr. Showtime?
FDCM: "Mr. Showtime!?!?" What kind of f**king stupid name is that? Don't interrupt a deity when he's talking, peasants! ...anyway, like I was saying. I got news for you...this "Lestat" is just like every other paper champion in this world. Maybe it's not a title, but he's just another nobody trying to steal something that isn't his and claim it as his right. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who have earned NOTHING yet claim everything!
Jobber: Uh, you mean like someone else's interview?
Without a word, in one fluid motion, FDCM tosses off his coat, leaps into the air, ensnares the wrestler's head and Diamond Cutters him to the ground with a sickening thud. As if nothing has happened, he calmly stands, dusts himself off, allows one of his women to put his coat back around his shoulders, and continues.
FDCM: So Sunshine...you and I don't know each other, and quite frankly, if we did I probably wouldn't like you. Nothing personal, just a statistical likelihood. But this week, for one night only, we're hand-in-hand as tag team partners. And brother, while I've never had someone steal my woman away from me...c'mon, I'm way too cool for that...I do know what it's like to watch someone else parade around claiming to own what you know is rightfully yours. So I can identify with you, my main man. And this week, together, we'll get a little redemption. Hell, maybe if you're helpful I'll even draw one of the second-stringers from my harem of assistants and get her to help you "forget" all about that Fire bitch...
There is an awkward pause as FDCM seems to have finished answering the question that no one asked him. He glances expectantly at Kilgreen, who looks awkwardly at the unmoving body of the poor anonymous young guy before reluctantly starting an impromptu "interview".
Kilgreen:[/color] So, uh...you beat Rich Morrison at Spring Breakage. What's...next for...you...?
FDCM: I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ME THAT QUESTION!!!!
First, I just have to say one thing. And I know the match is over, and I know the feud is over, and I know a good man would take the high road and just move on. But I need to say something to Richie Rich Morrison.
Richie my boy...the next time you want to spout off some crap about being "stolen from"...about things "not boding well" for someone...about has-beens, and never-weres, and false champions...maybe you ought to make sure you've got the muscle and the balls to put your money where your mouth is. You've always talked a good game Rich, but until you can go toe-to-toe with someone like me, you might as well sit in the midcard and dominate the jobbers like a good little curtain-jerker. Big Fish. Small Pond. Repeat it like a mantra, you self-aggrandizing little shit. Sad fact, there is a glass ceiling in this business, but it's not politics like all your type seem to think. It's a little thing called "greatness." Only the true elites have it, and Rich, quite frankly I don't see it in you.
And that same thing goes for anybody else out there who still thinks I'm not the real deal. Who still thinks THEY may be a real champion. Look, I hate to repeat myself but I don't know how else to make you people understand. I am not a has-been. I am not a past-his-prime old man. I am the World f**king Champion. And no matter how many asses I have to kick, how many dreams I have to crush, or how many false titles I have to erase from history, I. Will. Do it. I proved myself again at Spring Breakage, but I'm still being doubted.
You think I don't see it? Murderous Entertainment or who the hell ever, making videos about me? Parodying me? Calling me an old man, saying I should be polishing this title instead of carrying it around? Look boys, I wanted to like you, because you kick the living hell out of Shawn Stevens week in and week out and quite frankly, that's a highly effective way of getting into my good graces real damn quick. But now you dare to disrespect the Almighty FDCM? The Real World Champ? And as of my win over Rich Morrison, the UNDISPUTED AND UNCHALLENGED Messiah!?
Who are you to even address me, you single-celled organism? Who have you managed to beat without help from your army of stooges? What can you do without ganging up on your opponents? Can you meatheads even go to the bathroom alone, or do you go in packs, like fourth grade girls? That's roughly the level your sense of humor seems to be on, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least. f**king disgusting.
This is exactly what makes the POW "Midwest" title so worthless. Even not in comparison to my WORLD Championship, how is a belt supposed to gain any dignity when it's being defended against the likes of Morrison, Danielson and these worthless piles of dung?
But it's not even limited to this promotion. Like I said, the entire INDUSTRY is caught in a deluge of underachievement. Take the UWL, for example. The very promotion where I won this world title...now a mere shadow of its former self. Why? Very simple...because this title, and I, the man who carry it, am not there. Because I have no interest in defending my title in the B-movie knockoff version of a formerly great company! Because I have no interest in being the shining star that legitimizes a giant steaming pile of crap with my mere presence!
I came here, to POW...because I was told, "this is the big leagues now." This is where all the real competition has gone. Well I'm looking around, and I'm looking at the opponents I've faced so far, and I gotta tell you...I sure as hell don't see any of that! All I see are a bunch of poseurs, trying their hardest to look like greats when in reality...they're just chumps. A bunch of hangers-on, hoping to get their big break by pinning a real champion like myself.
I say "like" myself...but really, there's only me and we all know it. Who else in this business can stand on my level? John Cena? The 900-year-old Undertaker? Christian Cage? Takeshi Morishima? f**k, I don't even know who that is...but apparently he's a "champion" in Ring of Honor.
How about Shawn Stevens? How about Josh Eagles? Teddy Davis? f**k NO...none of them. Not a one. And I know that it tears them up inside.
How about you, Teddy? I know it eats you alive. Yeah, that's right. I know you're watching this. You sit on the outside looking in, obsessively poring over every piece of POW footage we release. Why? Hell, who knows. I never understood you at all. Respected you at one point, but never "got" you on a personal level.
But now, even the respect is gone. What? You so upset that you got beaten at your own game, that you could never quite take that final step towards winning a true WORLD championship...that you had to retreat to your little Lion's Den or whatever the hell we're calling it this week, and win a strap in a promotion you booked yourself? Well congrats, Theodore. You're King Asshole, of Workrate Freak No Personality Asshole Province! I know it took a lot of work to get there, and I'm happy you were able to make it happen for yourself. Maybe in a year or two you'll screw together the courage to set foot in a POW ring and face a champion that actually had to earn his title, in a company where you aren't contractually guaranteed the victory...but I doubt it.
Did I miss anybody!? Has anyone not gotten the message? Let me make something perfectly clear...I am making an open challenge, here and now! I'm calling out every single motherf**ker I've named in this interview. You can call this a shoot, you can call it a work, you can call it a gimmick, call it what you want, but I am not saying this as a character or a gimmick or a line...I truly believe, that as long as I hold this gleaming World Title, it signifies that I am the single greatest competitor in the sport today, and I will not stop until I get the recognition I deserve...and my name goes down in the history books as the single greatest individual ever to step between those ropes. Not Hogan. Not Flair. Not Inoki or Hart or Michaels or Angle or Sting or Andre or Race or Thesz. But ME. Flying...Diamond...Cutter...Man! And I'm willing to do, whatever it takes! Fight, whoever I have to! To erase any doubt, in anyone's mind, that there is only one living champion in the world of wrestling, and that...is ME!!! The True...World...Champion!
So Stevens, Teddy, Eagles, Jefferson, Cody Cross, John Cena, any single one of you...step up to the plate. Who cares about promotional lines? Who cares about territory jurisdiction and booking rights and the f**king fight purse? This sport isn't about companies and promoters and merchandise sales, it's about two men fighting it out to see who is the best!
So when you see this on your TV, read the transcript in a magazine, or hear it on the radio, ask yourself just one question, regardless of allegiances or promotions or jobs or contracts. Do you think you're the best?
If so, get in line. Because I'm Diamond Cuttering every single one of your deluded aspirations into oblivion.
You think that makes me cocky? Overconfident? You think I'm overstepping my bounds right now?
You think I shouldn't have jumped this inconsequential motherf**ker on the ground behind me in order to bring you this message!?
Well what the hell do you think you're gonna do about it!? I'm the champ! And dammit, until someone beats me for this title, who the f**k is gonna stop me!?
Kilgreen: Hello again POW fans, Greg Kilgreen here with the latest addition to the POW roster -
Incredibly Masculine Baritone Voice: Hold it right there!!!!
From off-camera, FDCM strolls into the shot. As usual, he's dressed ridiculously, wearing a snow-white fur coat and what appears to be a gigantic neon green sombrero. On either side of him stands a Flying Diamond Cutter Girl, each fanning him with a huge palm leaf. Without even looking at the new guy, FDCM removes his hat and hands it to him to hold. After staring dumbfounded at it for a moment, Joe Wrestler angrily drops it to the ground, at which point one of the girls obediently scoops it up.
FDCM: My apologies, gentlemen, but I'm afraid I require this screen time for something far more important!
Kilgreen: What? But you've got your own interview segment in like 15 minutes...
FDCM: Dammit Kenshin there's no time!!!! This can't wait. It must be said NOW.
Jobber: Look, I don't know who you are, but...
FDCM: WHAT!?!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!?!?!?
Behind him, the Flying Diamond Cutter Girls collectively wince as FDCM fumes comically at the new guy.
FDCM: You see this, Karraba!? This is the problem exactly! People are forgetting! Forgetting the legend of the Real World Champion!!
I've tried my best to keep it from happening, but it's just no use. Power On Wrestling, no, the wrestling world as a whole, is being consumed by a sea of mediocrity! Thousands upon thousands of so-called "champions," carting around worthless championship belts and claiming dominion over all, while REAL champions like myself are lost in the shuffle!
Just take my opponents this week...they are a perfect example. Kaleb Shadix...is the so-called "Midwest Television Champion." Explain that to me, please. He's a champion...but only in the midwest...and, only when he's on television? Well correct me if I'm wrong...but POW's "TV" consists of tape-delayed syndication at 1 in the morning. I've been awake at 1 in the morning and believe me, the only guys that are awake to be watching wrestling at that hour are so stoned they aren't even gonna remember it the next day! So explain to me, then, the legitimacy of a "television" champion! By definition, he is a farce, put up as a pretty face on graveyard shift TV to represent this bullshit company!
And Lestat!? Who is this guy!? Some dark evil monkey that showed up, stole Mr. Sunshine's bitch and...
Kilgreen: Wait, wait, wait. Time out, Champ. You think his name is Mr. Sunshine?
FDCM: ...well, yeah. What else would it be?
Jobber: ...isn't that Mr. Showtime?
FDCM: "Mr. Showtime!?!?" What kind of f**king stupid name is that? Don't interrupt a deity when he's talking, peasants! ...anyway, like I was saying. I got news for you...this "Lestat" is just like every other paper champion in this world. Maybe it's not a title, but he's just another nobody trying to steal something that isn't his and claim it as his right. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who have earned NOTHING yet claim everything!
Jobber: Uh, you mean like someone else's interview?
Without a word, in one fluid motion, FDCM tosses off his coat, leaps into the air, ensnares the wrestler's head and Diamond Cutters him to the ground with a sickening thud. As if nothing has happened, he calmly stands, dusts himself off, allows one of his women to put his coat back around his shoulders, and continues.
FDCM: So Sunshine...you and I don't know each other, and quite frankly, if we did I probably wouldn't like you. Nothing personal, just a statistical likelihood. But this week, for one night only, we're hand-in-hand as tag team partners. And brother, while I've never had someone steal my woman away from me...c'mon, I'm way too cool for that...I do know what it's like to watch someone else parade around claiming to own what you know is rightfully yours. So I can identify with you, my main man. And this week, together, we'll get a little redemption. Hell, maybe if you're helpful I'll even draw one of the second-stringers from my harem of assistants and get her to help you "forget" all about that Fire bitch...
There is an awkward pause as FDCM seems to have finished answering the question that no one asked him. He glances expectantly at Kilgreen, who looks awkwardly at the unmoving body of the poor anonymous young guy before reluctantly starting an impromptu "interview".
Kilgreen:[/color] So, uh...you beat Rich Morrison at Spring Breakage. What's...next for...you...?
FDCM: I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ME THAT QUESTION!!!!
First, I just have to say one thing. And I know the match is over, and I know the feud is over, and I know a good man would take the high road and just move on. But I need to say something to Richie Rich Morrison.
Richie my boy...the next time you want to spout off some crap about being "stolen from"...about things "not boding well" for someone...about has-beens, and never-weres, and false champions...maybe you ought to make sure you've got the muscle and the balls to put your money where your mouth is. You've always talked a good game Rich, but until you can go toe-to-toe with someone like me, you might as well sit in the midcard and dominate the jobbers like a good little curtain-jerker. Big Fish. Small Pond. Repeat it like a mantra, you self-aggrandizing little shit. Sad fact, there is a glass ceiling in this business, but it's not politics like all your type seem to think. It's a little thing called "greatness." Only the true elites have it, and Rich, quite frankly I don't see it in you.
And that same thing goes for anybody else out there who still thinks I'm not the real deal. Who still thinks THEY may be a real champion. Look, I hate to repeat myself but I don't know how else to make you people understand. I am not a has-been. I am not a past-his-prime old man. I am the World f**king Champion. And no matter how many asses I have to kick, how many dreams I have to crush, or how many false titles I have to erase from history, I. Will. Do it. I proved myself again at Spring Breakage, but I'm still being doubted.
You think I don't see it? Murderous Entertainment or who the hell ever, making videos about me? Parodying me? Calling me an old man, saying I should be polishing this title instead of carrying it around? Look boys, I wanted to like you, because you kick the living hell out of Shawn Stevens week in and week out and quite frankly, that's a highly effective way of getting into my good graces real damn quick. But now you dare to disrespect the Almighty FDCM? The Real World Champ? And as of my win over Rich Morrison, the UNDISPUTED AND UNCHALLENGED Messiah!?
Who are you to even address me, you single-celled organism? Who have you managed to beat without help from your army of stooges? What can you do without ganging up on your opponents? Can you meatheads even go to the bathroom alone, or do you go in packs, like fourth grade girls? That's roughly the level your sense of humor seems to be on, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least. f**king disgusting.
This is exactly what makes the POW "Midwest" title so worthless. Even not in comparison to my WORLD Championship, how is a belt supposed to gain any dignity when it's being defended against the likes of Morrison, Danielson and these worthless piles of dung?
But it's not even limited to this promotion. Like I said, the entire INDUSTRY is caught in a deluge of underachievement. Take the UWL, for example. The very promotion where I won this world title...now a mere shadow of its former self. Why? Very simple...because this title, and I, the man who carry it, am not there. Because I have no interest in defending my title in the B-movie knockoff version of a formerly great company! Because I have no interest in being the shining star that legitimizes a giant steaming pile of crap with my mere presence!
I came here, to POW...because I was told, "this is the big leagues now." This is where all the real competition has gone. Well I'm looking around, and I'm looking at the opponents I've faced so far, and I gotta tell you...I sure as hell don't see any of that! All I see are a bunch of poseurs, trying their hardest to look like greats when in reality...they're just chumps. A bunch of hangers-on, hoping to get their big break by pinning a real champion like myself.
I say "like" myself...but really, there's only me and we all know it. Who else in this business can stand on my level? John Cena? The 900-year-old Undertaker? Christian Cage? Takeshi Morishima? f**k, I don't even know who that is...but apparently he's a "champion" in Ring of Honor.
How about Shawn Stevens? How about Josh Eagles? Teddy Davis? f**k NO...none of them. Not a one. And I know that it tears them up inside.
How about you, Teddy? I know it eats you alive. Yeah, that's right. I know you're watching this. You sit on the outside looking in, obsessively poring over every piece of POW footage we release. Why? Hell, who knows. I never understood you at all. Respected you at one point, but never "got" you on a personal level.
But now, even the respect is gone. What? You so upset that you got beaten at your own game, that you could never quite take that final step towards winning a true WORLD championship...that you had to retreat to your little Lion's Den or whatever the hell we're calling it this week, and win a strap in a promotion you booked yourself? Well congrats, Theodore. You're King Asshole, of Workrate Freak No Personality Asshole Province! I know it took a lot of work to get there, and I'm happy you were able to make it happen for yourself. Maybe in a year or two you'll screw together the courage to set foot in a POW ring and face a champion that actually had to earn his title, in a company where you aren't contractually guaranteed the victory...but I doubt it.
Did I miss anybody!? Has anyone not gotten the message? Let me make something perfectly clear...I am making an open challenge, here and now! I'm calling out every single motherf**ker I've named in this interview. You can call this a shoot, you can call it a work, you can call it a gimmick, call it what you want, but I am not saying this as a character or a gimmick or a line...I truly believe, that as long as I hold this gleaming World Title, it signifies that I am the single greatest competitor in the sport today, and I will not stop until I get the recognition I deserve...and my name goes down in the history books as the single greatest individual ever to step between those ropes. Not Hogan. Not Flair. Not Inoki or Hart or Michaels or Angle or Sting or Andre or Race or Thesz. But ME. Flying...Diamond...Cutter...Man! And I'm willing to do, whatever it takes! Fight, whoever I have to! To erase any doubt, in anyone's mind, that there is only one living champion in the world of wrestling, and that...is ME!!! The True...World...Champion!
So Stevens, Teddy, Eagles, Jefferson, Cody Cross, John Cena, any single one of you...step up to the plate. Who cares about promotional lines? Who cares about territory jurisdiction and booking rights and the f**king fight purse? This sport isn't about companies and promoters and merchandise sales, it's about two men fighting it out to see who is the best!
So when you see this on your TV, read the transcript in a magazine, or hear it on the radio, ask yourself just one question, regardless of allegiances or promotions or jobs or contracts. Do you think you're the best?
If so, get in line. Because I'm Diamond Cuttering every single one of your deluded aspirations into oblivion.
You think that makes me cocky? Overconfident? You think I'm overstepping my bounds right now?
You think I shouldn't have jumped this inconsequential motherf**ker on the ground behind me in order to bring you this message!?
Well what the hell do you think you're gonna do about it!? I'm the champ! And dammit, until someone beats me for this title, who the f**k is gonna stop me!?