Road to Red, White, and Bruised

[randalllovejoy]

Fletcher Pierce: Well, time for the first ever Road to Red, White, and Bruised!

Val Mora: Damn right, catchy name that Mr. Lovejoy came up with there.

FP: Well, let's get straight to the first match of the evening!

H2O's Role Model plays on the P.A. as Gamer Nerd makes his way down the aisle raising his favorite 8-bit NES control deck & carrying it with him. He lays the control deck on the announcer's table then he enters the ring and waits on his opponent he's facing.

Shane Sommers: And introducing first, making his POW DEBUT! Straight from the burbs of Chicago, Illinois and is the only man to survive the highest level of Tetris until he fell asleep...GAMER NERD!

An entire army of nerds in the front rows let out a huge cheer for their favorite superstar while wearing hoodies of +4 warmth. Gamer Nerd gives them an enthusiastic greeting, waving while handing off his NES. Just then, the arena darkens as lights flicker at the arena roof. Metalingus begins to play as Nick Wadden walks from behind the curtains. He makes his way down to the ring and slides in, getting to his feet and staring at Gamer Nerd with a cocky look in his eyes.

Shane Sommers: And from Toronto, Canada, weighing in at 249 pounds...NICK WADDEN!

FP: Here we go, two new guys kicking it off tonight. Wadden made one hell of a statement last week, but Gamer Nerd has an entire army ready to lynch Wadden if they need to!

The bell dings to start the match as Gamer Nerd adjusts his shirt before offering his hand out to Nick Wadden as a show of sportsmanship. Nick Wadden smiles for just a second before taking Nerd's hand. Nerd smiles for a second, but Wadden clamps down on his hand and starts sqeezing the life out of it. Nerd tries to break free, but Wadden pulls Gamer Nerd over to him and pounds him to the mat with a hard lariat. One of the nerds in the crowd nervously holds up a sign that says "My mom fragged Wadden last night". Nick Wadden laughs at the nerd while his opponent gets to his feet and looks at him angrily. Gamer Nerd shakes himself off and then bounces off of the ropes, waylaying Wadden with a hard forearm that barely moves the much bigger man. Wadden laughs and pushes Gamer Nerd like a bully. Gamer Nerd rebounds off of the ropes and his Wadden with a hard elbow. Nick Wadden casually scratches the spot where Nerd just hit him. Furious, Gamer Nerd bounces off the ropes once more and leaps into the air. Nick Wadden catches him in midair and brings him down to the mat with a hard spinebuster. Wadden casually covers Nerd, flipping off his cronies in the audience.

1...

2...

Gamer Nerd gets his hand on the ropes just after the count of two and Wadden gets back to his feet with an arrogant grin on his face. The crowd boos Wadden as Gamer Nerd gets back to his feet, checking to see if his shirt is still pressed. Wadden grabs hold of Nerd's head and flings him into the far ropes. Nerd bounces off and ducks under a boot from Wadden. Nerd rebounds off of the opposite ropes and dives toward Wadden's legs. Nerd clips the back of Wadden's knee with his shoulder, bringing him down to the mat. Nerd quickly gets back to his feet as Wadden starts to raise and runs into the ropes, leaping onto the second rope. Nerd turns and flies off the second rope just as Wadden gets back to his feet and hits the Missile Command to the same leg, dropping Wadden once more while the crowd lets loose a massive cheer.

VM: MUSHROOM POWER!

FP: Come on Val, let's concentrate on the match...

VM: I love this guy! So does everybody else!

Gamer Nerd takes the time that Wadden is down on the mat to quickly hit him with a couple of polished shoes to the back of the knee, trying to weaken it. Wadden starts to get back to his feet, but Nerd waylays him with a shin shot to the face. Gamer Nerd quickly climbs to the top rope before leaping off, dropping his knee to the back of Wadden's. Nick Wadden grips his leg in pain and rolls away from Gamer Nerd before trying to use the ropes to get to his feet. Nerd runs at him and nails an elbow, knocking Wadden into the corner. Gamer Nerd hops up onto the second turnbuckle before driving nine fists into Wadden's skull. He raises his arm and lets the crowd cheer in anticipation. Just before he can drop the tenth and final fist, Wadden pulls him out of the corner and up onto his shoulders. Wadden limps to the central area of the ring and powerbombs Gamer Nerd hard into the mat. Wadden cradles Nerd's leg and tries for the pin.

1...

2...

Gamer Nerd manages to roll Wadden over, hooking his leg and trying for a pin of his own.

1...

2...

Nick Wadden rolls Gamer Nerd over once more, this time putting his feet on the ropes.

1...

2...

Scott Prado sees Wadden's foot on the ropes just before the count of three, but before he can yell at Wadden, Gamer Nerd uses the ropes and pushes Nick Wadden over with a quick maneuver and then hooks both of Wadden's legs, pulling him down with all his Gamer might.

1...

2...

3!!!

FP: HOLY HELL! Gamer Nerd barely escaped with that one there! It may not have been a blowout, but he won his debut match against Wadden! Both of these men have their debut matches as victories!

[randalllovejoy]

FP: Alright! We've kicked off this show, time to go straight to the second match of the evening!

VM: Too bad, no nerd power this time...

The acoustic guitar of "The Death Knell for Paper Children" jangles through the arena. The electric guitar crashes, and a single spotlight centers itself on the black curtain. Enter "The Green Bull" Enrique Alvarez. He dashes through the curtain and sprints to the ring. He is joined at a short distance by his manager: the mysterious Doctor Vertigo, ambling w/ the aid of a cane. Once in the ring, Alvarez ascends the turnbuckle for a short time, before stepping down to await the start of the match.

Shane Sommers: Hailing from Monterrey, Mexico...TORO VERDE...The Green Bull...Enrique Alvarez!

The crowd cheers for their favorite luchador as he pumps his fist to the crowd to get things going in his favor. Soul On Fire by HIM hits. Fans go crazy as Eddie appears on the stage, Eddie takes off his sunglasses and tosses them in the crowd. He walks down the ramp and climb into the ring and takes his shirt off and tosses that into the crowd which proceeds to vomit it back up to the ringside area.

Shane Sommers: And his opponent, from Miami, Florida and weighing in at 220 pounds...EDDIE BUCHALINI JUNIOR!!!

The crowd boos as Jay Grooms rings the bell to start the match. Toro Verde and Eddie circle each other for a second. The two men lock hands in a test of strength, but before Eddie can get anywhere, Toro Verde pulls him over with a quick arm drag. Toro Verde hops back up to his feet and is followed suit by Eddie. The two men lock up again and Toro pulls Eddie over with another arm drag. The crowd cheers for Toro as he hops back up. Eddie tries to lock up with Toro for a third time, but Toro, with other plans, quickly pulls him down with an improvised small package.

1...

2...

3!!!

VM: WOW! That one was over quick!

[randalllovejoy]

The camera cuts to the back where Buddy Love is chilling out in his own personal hot tub, surrounded by a couple of topless women, cooing over his flawless form.

Buddy Love: Ladies, I hate to go, but I DO have a match to get to. Don't worry, I'll be back shortly.

Woman 1: Don't worry Buddy, we won't go anywhere, but come back soon, otherwise we'll have to start without you...

Buddy Love: Damn, I don't want that to happen. Here, have some buddy beads.

Buddy hops out of his hot tub and tosses the women a couple of strands of his patented beads with the Buddy Love logo on them.

The women start laughing and splashing as Buddy Love exits his locker room.

[randalllovejoy]

FP: Well, that first match was short, but at least Buddy Love is still having his own private party.

VM: Yeah, it never ends for that guy...

Tarzan Boy hits the sound system and as the chorus hits, Takeshi walks from out of the curtain. He walks to the ring and hops the third rope. He waits patiently for his opponent.

Shane Sommers: And from Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 193 pounds, The Masked Menace...TAKESHI TANAHASHI!!!!

Voodoo Child by Jimmy Hendrix kicks up as Buddy Love struts to the ring wearing a towel, tossing Mardi Gras Beads into the crowd, giving high-fives and hitting on the women ringside. Steps into the ring, tosses his hat to the crowd, and does a few dance moves in the ring while holding onto the towel.

Shane Sommers: And...uh...From New Orleans, Buddy "LOVE" JOHANSSEN!!!

The crowd lets out a massive roar as Buddy Love tightens his towel and waves to the crowd once more, still basking in the recent surge in his popularity from the party.

VM: Please tell me he's wearing something under that towel...

FP: Knowing him...I'm not too sure...

Jay Grooms begins the match as Takeshi starts to advance on Buddy Love. Buddy puts up his hand, stopping Takeshi in his tracks with a smile. Buddy reaches into his towel and pulls out one more pair of Buddy Beads and tosses them to Takeshi. Takeshi catches the beads, and in the split second that he's distracted, Buddy Love kicks him in the gut and gives Tanahashi a stiff Jell-O Shot one handed. Buddy reclines over on Takeshi's hammered body in a relaxed position, the towel conveniently covering his area while the crowd goes wild.

1...

2...

3!!!

FP: Jell-O Shots do it every time Val...

Buddy bolts from the ring to rejoin his troupe of ladies in the hot tub, stopping to wave once more to the cheering crowd.

[randalllovejoy]

The camera cuts to the backstage area once again, this time centered on the shiny Mid-Atlantic Championship with the nameplate inscribed with "David Hilt". The camera zooms out and David Hilt is seen confidently strutting the halls with the belt slung over his shoulder. He stops to chat with a few people on his way to the ring.

David Hilt: Hey...

David continues walking, right past a rather attractive number, before slamming on the brakes, backing up.

David Hilt: Hey, how you doin?

Girl: Oh, I'm good...are you a champion?

David Hilt: Damn right, maybe after this match we can go do something.

Girl: (Winking) If you win!

[randalllovejoy]

FP: Well, it's time for David Hilt's first match as Mid-Atlantic Champion.

"Sad But True" by Metallica begins to play and the lights dim as a strobe light pours over the entrance area. The curtain opens and Jeska Eagles makes her way onto the stage with a big smile on her face as the crowd boos loudly. She then signals to the curtain and Josh makes his way out too an even bigger boo and he walks over and grabs Jeska by the hand and raises her hand into the air. Josh and Jeska then walk to the ring hand in and. When they reach the ring Jeska runs up the stairs and parts the ropes for Josh to get through and he does then heads to the first turnbuckle and strikes an arrogant pose and awaits the start of the match.

Shane Sommers: Here he is, hailing from Ontario, Canada...JOSH EAGLES!

He walks forward from the back, slapping the hands of a few fans, then turns around, walking backward down the ramp to face (and pump up) the crowd.

Near the end he throws his arms up twice (sort of like in the fan favorite ramp entrance in svr2k7) and turns around, almost on one foot, and dashes toward the ring.

He slides in under the bottom rope, and quickly pushes himself up to his feet. He does a 360 spin with his arms spread out (looking confident, of course) then jumps on the bottom rope nearest him, talking to the crowd for a couple seconds, with the general "look at me, get excited," gestures.

Afterward, he jumps off (spinning around in the process, toward a turnbuckle) and runs toward it. Near it, he jumps all the way to the top rope, and (squatting) holds both sides of the corner to balance for a bit, then continues talking out toward the crowd, using various arm/hand gestures to get them excited. He jumps off, and bounces off the ropes.

Scott Prado rings the bell to begin the match. David Hilt circles around Josh Eagles confidently. Hilt lays into Josh suddenly with a couple of punches before whipping Eagles into the ropes. Eagles ducks under a clothesline from the champ and then rebounds off of the opposite ropes. Josh leapfrogs over Hilt and catches himself on the far ropes. David Hilt grabs onto Josh's exposed midsection from behind and tries to bring him over, but Josh hangs onto the ropes, knocking Hilt back to the mat. Hilt gets to his knees and schoolboys Eagles over, trying for a quick pin.

1...

2...

Right after the count of two, Josh Eagles gets hold of the arm that Hilt has through his legs and then locks up Hilt's head with his legs, slamming in the Eagle Claw. David Hilt starts making gurgling noises as Josh pulls back on the arm, stretching it to its limit. Scott asks David if he wants to give up, but Dave gurgles out a shallow "no" before trying to keep his cool in the hold. He reaches for the ropes with his free arm, but they're too far away! After a few minutes, David Hilt begins fading, and after he stops struggling altogether, Scott Prado lifts his arm up.

1...

Scott tries for a second time.

2....

Just as Scott drops Hilt's arm for the third time, Hilt musters up the courage to keep it in the air.

FP: The triangle choke is one of the most dangerous moves out there, almost impossible to get out of unless you have quite a number of pounds on the guy and can lift him up. Even then, your arm is still in MASSIVE amounts of pain.

David Hilt tries to lift Eagles, but he's already faded too much. Scott Prado lifts the arm again after Hilt fades a second time.

1...

Again...

2...

3!!!

Scott Prado calls for the bell to end the match.

Shane Sommers: And your winner, by knock out...JOSH EAGLES!

The crowd boos as Eagles releases the hold, letting Hilt slump to the mat without so much as a noise. Josh blows the crowd off as he heads backstage.

[randalllovejoy]

The scene cuts to Josh Eagles standing backstage with an obscenely dry face as he hadn't broken a sweat. Standing next to him is Stephie Campbell with a microphone.

Stephie: Josh, you just took down the Mid Atlantic Champion without so much as becoming out of breath...

Josh Eagles: (Interrupting) Yeah, it's bullshit. I finally get a match with one of these...champions, and it's not even a fair fight. I've been kicking kiester over in Midwest with the rest of Royal Flush and I have a title shot coming up there, but Randall Lovejoy can't get his head out of his ass and book me in a championship match.

Stephie: Maybe he has his reasons...

Josh Eagles: (Interrupting again) Like what? Running a bad business? Maybe tonight he'll see that I'm actually deserving of a title shot. Not the Mid Atlantic, but the Heavyweight Belt. David Hilt I just proved to be a joke.

Josh Eagles turns and storms out as Stephie looks after him with a glint in her eye.

[randalllovejoy]

FP: Well, we're already here, the main event of the evening!

A low chilling note fills the arena blowing from the speakers before a drum beat can be heard in the distance building in volume on every pulse. Suddenly a series of horns start to blow a tune that would provoke fear even in the hearts of the most bravest of men, as the camera shift towards the entrance curtains we see that a haze of smoke has started to build up covering the curtain from view.

Shadows start to move behind the smoke and suddenly emerging from the smoke is Riley he takes a couple of paces down the ramp before pointing back towards the entrance as the theme song reaches the highest point of musical volume.

The horns start to play that tune once more as out of the smoke steps the man everyone was looking for...Macros. He stands at the top of the entrance ramp dressed in a red tunic and Lorica mainly made up of Plate armor. He closes his eyes listening to the beat of the drums letting the feeling of the battle wash over him before making his way down the ramp towards his battlefield for the night.

Macros steps up into the ring while his manager Riley rolls in gently across the canvas. Almost like clockwork the music lowers in volume once again just that chilling notes from the horns float around the arena as Macros begins to take of his Lorica and his tunic until he stands in the ring in his wrestling attire. As he listens to the music an almost calm look crosses Macro's face as he waits for his opponent placing that legendary black glove on his preferred right hand....

Shane Sommers: Introducing our first competitor, weighing in at 249 pounds and hailing from who the hell knows...THE LEGION SOLDIER....MACROS!

Hall of the Mountain King by the Who hits the speakers. JR Zevon steps from behind the curtain as the rockin' commences. He strolls to the ring with a smug smile on his face and proceeds to climb the ring steps. He walks on the apron, wipes his feet and enters through the ropes. He then checks the integrity of the turnbuckle pads and hassles the referee.

Shane Sommers: And his opponent in this non-title matchup, from Flat Rock, Ohio and weighing in tonight at 224 pounds...YOUR...EASTERN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...JR ZEVON!

George Chip gets the match started off with the bell as Macros gets low and into "kill" mode while Zevon stands cooly at the ropes, bitching at George Chip about making sure Macros follows the rules while handing off his title to a ring attendant. Macros moves in while JR Zevon is still complaining at the referee and drives a fist into Zevon's whiny face. Zevon gets backed into the corner as George Chip makes a beeline out of there. Macros follows Zevon in with a couple of hard forearms before landing a devastating chop that is heard in Los Angeles. The crowd cheers for Macros as he flips Zevon out of the corner with a quick hip toss. Before Macros can take advantage, Zevon rolls out of the ring to boos from the crowd. While Zevon is collecting his thoughts, Riley gets on the ring steps and starts shouting at Zevon.

FP: If he's not careful, Riley may become unintentionally involved in this match.

Zevon makes a start toward Riley who hauls away from the champ. Macros stands in the center of the ring with his arms crossed, waiting patiently for Zevon to get back in. Zevon starts to roll back in, but stops to look at Macros who gives a hand gesture allowing Zevon passage to get back up. Zevon takes it with a smile and gets back into the ring and back up to his feet. As soon as Zevon straigtens back up, Macros gets low once again and slowly circles Zevon, getting between him and the closest set of ropes. Just as Zevon notices this, Macros makes his move. Before Zevon can get away from him, Macros grabs hold of Zevon's leg, taking him down to the mat. Macros tries to get hold of Zevon's arm, but Zevon blatantly jams a thumb into the eye socket of Macros. Macros falls back to the mat where George Chip starts yelling at Zevon. Zevon pushes past the referee in a callous manner. Zevon puts his hands on Macros' right leg and lifts himself up, driving his knee into Macros' right knee. He does this thrice more before getting back to his feet and driving a couple of boots to the same spot. Zevon leans back down to continue his kneecap assault, but Macros pulls Zevon over and down to the mat.

1...

Zevon kicks out of the quick pin just after the count of one and rolls away from Macros. Macros slowly gets back to his feet, favoring the knee. Zevon crouches in the corner as Macros limps across the ring. Just as Macros gets to Zevon, he uses the ropes and drives his feet into Macros' right knee, knocking the Legion Soldier down to his good knee. Zevon picks Macros back up to his feet, but before he can do anything, Macros lays in a hard chop and knocks Zevon back into the corner, this time face first. Macros grabs onto Zevon's head and slams it hard into the corner turnbuckle. Macros whips Zevon away from the corner and into the ropes. Zevon rebounds off and is dropped hard to the mat by a clothesline from Macros. Macros drops down and mounts Zevon, driving a ten count of punches to his face.

VM: Looks like Zevon can't use his weaseling tactics this time!

FP: Damn right! Macros wont' let him. I think Macros wants a future shot at this title.

Zevon reaches up and grabs onto Macros' head, pulling him forward and headbutting him. Macros stutters back to his feet as Zevon gets up, hitting Macros with a shining example of a european uppercut before pulling Macros' right knee out from under him with by hooking his foot in the cavity of the knee. Macros tanks down to the mat. Zevon gets a running start and hits the ropes behind Macros. Before the Legion Soldier can turn, Zevon dives forward and chops Macros' right knee out.

FP: Zevon might not have to use his special tactics if he keeps tenderizing Macros' knee like this.

VM: How does he do this? He goes up against the best guys out there and still manages to do well against them even though he's horrible.

FP: He may not be the best wrestler, but he is one of the smartest in the game.

Zevon stands above Macros, taunting him incessantly while the Nerds from before jeer Zevon in the front row. Zevon bounces off of the ropes once again, but Macros rolls out of the way of a basement dropkick to the knee and hobbles back to his feet. Standing firm on his good leg, Macros boots Zevon in the gut, doubling him over before bringing Zevon down on his good knee. Zevon clutches his face as he bounces off of the Legion Soldier's knee and tries to roll out of the ring. Macros dives forward and grabs onto Zevon's arm while Riley jumps in and starts talking smack to the Champ. Macros pulls Zevon back to his feet and smacks him in his face again, this time drawing a slight trickle of blood from the champ's mouth. Macros pulls his glove tight on his hand and then whips Zevon into the ropes. Just then, a man leaps over the barricade with a chair and wails on Zevon's back just as he hits the ropes. George Chip calls for the bell to end the match as the man reveals himself to be none other than John Anthony!

FP: WHAT THE HELL??? Macros was doing fine until John Anthony came in and ruined it for him.

Macros stands in the center of the ring with his arms open looking dumbstruck. John Anthony leaps into the ring, and an injured Macros tries to hit him, but Anthony ducks under it, kicks Macros in the gut and hooking the arms, drives Macros into the mat with his move "Even the Odds". Riley pulls Macros out of the ring as John Anthony grabs a microphone and lifts it to his lips, the crowd cheering at his return.

John Anthony: HEY! I'm BACK!

The crowd goes wild as John Anthony does his Captain Morgan pose at the ropes.

John Anthony: Macros, you've done well in my absence, even netted yourself a match against our good old champ here...in the main event no less! But I can't let you have the satisfaction of beating him just yet. I owe Zevon something. I owe him for putting me on the injured list a few weeks back. And he owes me his title which I should've won.

Before Anthony can say anything else, "Loveshack" by the B-52's kicks up over the arena. Randall Lovejoy walks out onto the stage with a microphone to tumultuous applause.

Randall Lovejoy: JOHN! Good to have you back! But there are better ways to make your re-appearance. Like...Oh, I don't know...NOT RUINING MY MAIN EVENT.

Anthony: I'm sure you understand...

Randall Lovejoy: (Interrupting) I wasn't finished talking yet. You see, you ruined what was turning out to be one hell of a main event and you've no doubt pissed off Macros. Well, Riley at the moment, I'm sure Macros will be pissed when he gets over the massive headache he's going to have later.

You want to come in and make a statement that badly? You want a rematch against Zevon?

John Anthony nods as the audience cheers.

Randall Lovejoy: Well, you can't just walk back in here and get handed the match, no you've got to EARN it. You can do that next week in the main event. It's going to be a number one contender's match for the POW Eastern Heavyweight Championship at Red, White, and Bruised! The newly healed John Anthony vs. Macros. The winner to take on JR Zevon at the DVD Taping!

The audience cheers it's approval as Randall Lovejoy begins his trek to the back. Just before he gets to the curtain, he turns and faces Anthony once again.

Randall Lovejoy: OH! Did I mention that there will be a special guest referee? That's right, JR Zevon will be the special guest referee for this match. I guess you shouldn't have clobbered him with that chair just a few minutes ago.