Post by Zevon on Jul 26, 2007 23:34:06 GMT -6
Super emotional music meant to make you cry plays, except it doesn’t because this isn’t a film. Lee Cash walks across the screen in slow motion, except in real time. The camera zooms onto the face of JR Zevon except it keeps a wide shot, a joyful tear runs down Zevon’s face. Zevon immediately dashes to Cash and looks him square in the eye. Zevon is absolutely rapturous as he extends his right index finger and buries it deep into the chest of Lee Cash.
Cash: Ouch! What was that for?
Another tear rolls down Zevon’s face. A huge smile across his face. He speaks in soft emotional movie voice.
Zevon: Lee… I missed you. Not Lee Cash was just… unpokeable.
Lee Cash grows uncomfortable as a teary-eyed Zevon spreads his arms for maximum hugging action. Cash takes a half step back in an effort to avoid, but he fails. At the last moment, Zevon extends both index fingers and brings them together at the center of Lee Cash’s sternum.
Zevon: Double poke!
Lee Cash looks at Zevon in fear and confusion, trying to find the right words to say.
Cash: I…uh… I missed you too?
Zevon: Damn right you did. Now if you would, for old time’s sake, before Mick sends Tony Hunter packing, let us engage in witty banter.
Cash: Do we have to?
Zevon: Yes we do. And by we I mean me, and you, and Horatio.
Haberdasher: And Nigel.
Cash: Who?
Zevon: Banter, preferably as it pertains to the rotten nature of one John Anthony, stealer of my precious.
Cash: Excuse me if I’m a bit flustered, but I just arrived in town and wanted to scout the arena. I didn’t expect anyone to be here yet.
Zevon: I came early, as I always do.
Haberdasher: NIGEL! Inappropriate laughter will not be tolerated!
Zevon: Banter is all I ask, Mr. Cash. No notes. No pre-interview. Just a little harmless banter aimed to completely defame John Anthony.
Cash: I need to stay impartial at all times.
Zevon: Oh poppycock!
Cash has a serious look on his face as he nods in disapproval and feigns and move to walk away.
Zevon: Very well then. You can stay impartial. It’s more fun that way anyhow.
Cash: Thanks for understanding.
Zevon: I’ll insult John. You can provide insightful comments to move the conversation along. Horatio will stand in the back and look like a douche.
Haberdasher: Me? A women’s vaginal cleansing instrument? Nonsense!
Cash: Who is that guy anyway?
Zevon: Friend. Enemy. Nemesis.
Cash: That doesn’t make sense.
Zevon: Do I ever make sense?
Cash: Occasionally.
Zevon: Banter! The way it should be!
Haberdasher: Nigel! My tea!
Cash: Nigel? Who is Nigel?
Zevon: Nigel is unimportant. The important thing is banter. Subject: Stephie Campbell’s visual appeal. Engage banter!
Awkward pause commence.
Cash: She’s a very capable journalist?
Zevon: Capable? She blows you out of the water.
Haberdasher: Nigel! Stop being rude.
Cash: Are you insulting my journalistic ability!
Zevon: Indeed I am!
Cash: Hmpff… why did I ever agree to come back? I get poked…
Haberdasher: Nigel!
Cash: Who the hell is Nigel?
Zevon: There is no Nigel. Now banter! Subject: John Anthony’s status as a vampire. Lee Cash engage!
Cash: What the…? Are you sure you are mentally stable?
Zevon pokes Cash in the chest.
Zevon: Banter damn you!
Cash: God…
Zevon: Fictional.
Cash: You are just as impossible to communicate with as when I left.
Zevon: Lee, do you want to show up Stephie or not? If you do, start bantering.
Cash: I…
Zevon: Banterrrr.
Cash: You…
Zevon: Lee? Banter usually starts with you insulting a despicable creature.
Cash: Satan sucks?
Zevon: Satan doesn’t exist Lee. And if he did, he certainly wouldn’t be regarded as despicable. Insult an actual miscreant Mr. Cash. Someone like say… John Anthony.
Cash: I can’t do that.
Zevon: Cannot? Or will not?
Cash: Both.
Zevon: Poppycock. You have a tongue… use it!
Haberdasher: Nigel, fellatio is not a proper subject for bantering!
Cash: Who the hell is Nigel?
Zevon: Never mind him! We were bantering about how John Anthony is a scourge to the realm of professional wrestling and needs to be eliminated.
Cash: We were not!
Zevon: We would have been if you would engage! Now ENGAGE!
Cash: I didn’t return to be brow beat by some crazy…
Zevon: Hey! I got better!
Cash: The hell you did.
Zevon: BLASPHEMY! I speak only the truth!
Cash: About John Anthony being a vampire? Yeah, I heard that interview.
Zevon: Good start. John Anthony is indeed vampiric in his efforts to woo little old ladies to gambling parlors and separate them from their meager social security earnings.
Cash: Are you ever going to say something original regarding John Anthony? Why don’t you improve your shtick. He’s a crook, we’ve heard it a million times.
Zevon: A million times, exaggerating a bit aren’t you?
Lee Cash lets out a groan, and his cell phone conveniently rings to push this story ahead.
Zevon: Digital bell ringing. Good choice. I could care less about someone's hump or badonkadonkadonkey.
Cash: Uh-huh…. say what now?... John Anthony involved in an illegal underground fighting cartel?... I’ll be there in a flash!
Cash calls up a number from his speed dial and begins to walk away.
Cash: Sorry Zevon, a real story is breaking.
Zevon: Oh, that one about John Anthony being involved in an illegal underground fighting cartel?
Cash pauses and flips his phone off.
Cash: You knew about this?
Zevon: I am a being of immense knowledge.
Cash: You aren’t as excited as I would expect. This is a potential gold mine for you…
Zevon: I’ve never bought into the shiny metal game. Excellent conductor though.
Cash: What are you up to?
Zevon: Nothing. Where are you going with this?
Cash examines Zevon’s face and posture for any clues.
Cash: Something’s not right, but I do need to leave to report the breaking news.
Zevon: What breaking news? John Anthony is a criminal. I’ve been saying that for months. Why don’t you people ever believe me?
Cash: I think you know.
Zevon: I know many things.
Cash’s phone is ringing and shaking and such.
Cash: I need to go, but we’re not through yet.
Cash makes a hasty exit, looking back at Zevon with a curious eye several times. Haberdasher sidles in closer, startling Zevon with his words.
Haberdasher: You’re booked for Nancy Grace tonight.
Zevon stares Haberdasher down with great contempt in his eyes and body language.
Zevon: HABERDASHER!
Haberdasher: Don’t blame me, Nigel did it.
End fade.
Cash: Ouch! What was that for?
Another tear rolls down Zevon’s face. A huge smile across his face. He speaks in soft emotional movie voice.
Zevon: Lee… I missed you. Not Lee Cash was just… unpokeable.
Lee Cash grows uncomfortable as a teary-eyed Zevon spreads his arms for maximum hugging action. Cash takes a half step back in an effort to avoid, but he fails. At the last moment, Zevon extends both index fingers and brings them together at the center of Lee Cash’s sternum.
Zevon: Double poke!
Lee Cash looks at Zevon in fear and confusion, trying to find the right words to say.
Cash: I…uh… I missed you too?
Zevon: Damn right you did. Now if you would, for old time’s sake, before Mick sends Tony Hunter packing, let us engage in witty banter.
Cash: Do we have to?
Zevon: Yes we do. And by we I mean me, and you, and Horatio.
Haberdasher: And Nigel.
Cash: Who?
Zevon: Banter, preferably as it pertains to the rotten nature of one John Anthony, stealer of my precious.
Cash: Excuse me if I’m a bit flustered, but I just arrived in town and wanted to scout the arena. I didn’t expect anyone to be here yet.
Zevon: I came early, as I always do.
Haberdasher: NIGEL! Inappropriate laughter will not be tolerated!
Zevon: Banter is all I ask, Mr. Cash. No notes. No pre-interview. Just a little harmless banter aimed to completely defame John Anthony.
Cash: I need to stay impartial at all times.
Zevon: Oh poppycock!
Cash has a serious look on his face as he nods in disapproval and feigns and move to walk away.
Zevon: Very well then. You can stay impartial. It’s more fun that way anyhow.
Cash: Thanks for understanding.
Zevon: I’ll insult John. You can provide insightful comments to move the conversation along. Horatio will stand in the back and look like a douche.
Haberdasher: Me? A women’s vaginal cleansing instrument? Nonsense!
Cash: Who is that guy anyway?
Zevon: Friend. Enemy. Nemesis.
Cash: That doesn’t make sense.
Zevon: Do I ever make sense?
Cash: Occasionally.
Zevon: Banter! The way it should be!
Haberdasher: Nigel! My tea!
Cash: Nigel? Who is Nigel?
Zevon: Nigel is unimportant. The important thing is banter. Subject: Stephie Campbell’s visual appeal. Engage banter!
Awkward pause commence.
Cash: She’s a very capable journalist?
Zevon: Capable? She blows you out of the water.
Haberdasher: Nigel! Stop being rude.
Cash: Are you insulting my journalistic ability!
Zevon: Indeed I am!
Cash: Hmpff… why did I ever agree to come back? I get poked…
Haberdasher: Nigel!
Cash: Who the hell is Nigel?
Zevon: There is no Nigel. Now banter! Subject: John Anthony’s status as a vampire. Lee Cash engage!
Cash: What the…? Are you sure you are mentally stable?
Zevon pokes Cash in the chest.
Zevon: Banter damn you!
Cash: God…
Zevon: Fictional.
Cash: You are just as impossible to communicate with as when I left.
Zevon: Lee, do you want to show up Stephie or not? If you do, start bantering.
Cash: I…
Zevon: Banterrrr.
Cash: You…
Zevon: Lee? Banter usually starts with you insulting a despicable creature.
Cash: Satan sucks?
Zevon: Satan doesn’t exist Lee. And if he did, he certainly wouldn’t be regarded as despicable. Insult an actual miscreant Mr. Cash. Someone like say… John Anthony.
Cash: I can’t do that.
Zevon: Cannot? Or will not?
Cash: Both.
Zevon: Poppycock. You have a tongue… use it!
Haberdasher: Nigel, fellatio is not a proper subject for bantering!
Cash: Who the hell is Nigel?
Zevon: Never mind him! We were bantering about how John Anthony is a scourge to the realm of professional wrestling and needs to be eliminated.
Cash: We were not!
Zevon: We would have been if you would engage! Now ENGAGE!
Cash: I didn’t return to be brow beat by some crazy…
Zevon: Hey! I got better!
Cash: The hell you did.
Zevon: BLASPHEMY! I speak only the truth!
Cash: About John Anthony being a vampire? Yeah, I heard that interview.
Zevon: Good start. John Anthony is indeed vampiric in his efforts to woo little old ladies to gambling parlors and separate them from their meager social security earnings.
Cash: Are you ever going to say something original regarding John Anthony? Why don’t you improve your shtick. He’s a crook, we’ve heard it a million times.
Zevon: A million times, exaggerating a bit aren’t you?
Lee Cash lets out a groan, and his cell phone conveniently rings to push this story ahead.
Zevon: Digital bell ringing. Good choice. I could care less about someone's hump or badonkadonkadonkey.
Cash: Uh-huh…. say what now?... John Anthony involved in an illegal underground fighting cartel?... I’ll be there in a flash!
Cash calls up a number from his speed dial and begins to walk away.
Cash: Sorry Zevon, a real story is breaking.
Zevon: Oh, that one about John Anthony being involved in an illegal underground fighting cartel?
Cash pauses and flips his phone off.
Cash: You knew about this?
Zevon: I am a being of immense knowledge.
Cash: You aren’t as excited as I would expect. This is a potential gold mine for you…
Zevon: I’ve never bought into the shiny metal game. Excellent conductor though.
Cash: What are you up to?
Zevon: Nothing. Where are you going with this?
Cash examines Zevon’s face and posture for any clues.
Cash: Something’s not right, but I do need to leave to report the breaking news.
Zevon: What breaking news? John Anthony is a criminal. I’ve been saying that for months. Why don’t you people ever believe me?
Cash: I think you know.
Zevon: I know many things.
Cash’s phone is ringing and shaking and such.
Cash: I need to go, but we’re not through yet.
Cash makes a hasty exit, looking back at Zevon with a curious eye several times. Haberdasher sidles in closer, startling Zevon with his words.
Haberdasher: You’re booked for Nancy Grace tonight.
Zevon stares Haberdasher down with great contempt in his eyes and body language.
Zevon: HABERDASHER!
Haberdasher: Don’t blame me, Nigel did it.
End fade.
