Post by fdcm on Jun 5, 2007 15:57:13 GMT -6
The scene opens at a hectic Dover Air Force Base, just outside the facility in which Over In Dover will take place. Hundreds of photographers, interviewers and paparazzi swarm like ants as an impossibly long, pearl white stretch limo with what appear to be diamond-plated hubcaps screeches to a halt adjacent to a long red carpet leading inside. The door opens, and two huge bodyguards in tuxedos get out and force a path through the crowd, behind which saunters the ever-elegant FDCM, wearing a white fur coat and tophat despite the summer heat, a girl on each arm as always, the POW World Heavyweight Championship belt and clunky gold jewelry that was once the UWL and UWC belts all displayed prominently on his person.
As the entourage cuts a swath towards the building, several daring interviewers struggle to get a word in edgewise.
Reporter: FDCM, any comments on your upcoming first title defense!?
Another Reporter: How does it feel to return to POW New England!?
Still Another Reporter: Who are you wearing!?!?!?
Cocky smirk never faltering, FDCM coolly shoots down the questions.
FDCM: I'm sorry, but my first interview for this event is reserved EXCLUSIVELY for one journalist in particular! The rest of you are going to have to wait until the pre-fight press conference.
The interviewers respond with disappointment and resentment, but as FDCM and his girls finally make it inside the doors of the building, the two titanic bodyguards turn on the smarmy press and simultaneously give them a DOUBLE TERRIFYING GLARE!!!, which quickly scatters them to the winds.
Inside, FDCM is met by his trusty lawyer, Ken Rosenberg, who speaks conversationally with him as they head down the hall in a businessman's hurry.
Rosenberg: How was the trip from K.C.?
FDCM: We ran out of vodka and had to make a little detour around Columbus. Other than that, same old same old.
Oh, and #47 is in jail somewhere in the Tampa area, something about "indecent exposure and public decadence." You'll probably need to go get her out.
Rosenberg: ...what the hell were you doing in Tampa? That isn't even on the way from-
FDCM: Don't judge me, Lawyer. Just get the job done.
FDCM hands Rosenberg an envelope, which Rosenberg discreetly pockets. He says nothing further on the matter.
FDCM: So where's this interviewer I'm supposed to talk to? Sooner we get that overwith, the sooner we can start looking for a place in Delaware to party. And believe me, finding that place is easier said than done!
Rosenberg: Yes, of course. She's right in here.
The small group heads through a side-door into a small meeting room-type area. Seated at the table with her notepad and camera crew is Stephie Campbell, dressed to the nines.
Stephie: Hullo, FDCM. I'm POW New England's exclusive interviewer, Stephie Campbell.
FDCM grins broadly.
FDCM: You were right, Lawyer. She's PERFECT for an..."exclusive in-depth interview."
Stephie: Do you always talk about women like they aren't standing three feet away from you?
FDCM: Actually...yeah. Pretty much.
Campbell sighs, but says nothing. She's gotten used to this sort of thing.
Stephie: How about if we just start the interview? How does it feel to be defending your World Title for the first time, and how does it feel to also be returning to POW New England for only the second time ever?
FDCM: Well, it's definitely an honor to defend the title, but I have to say I'm not sure what you mean by "returning" to POW New England. I didn't even know this territory existed until like three days ago.
Stephie: ...FDCM, you main evented the first ever New England show with Big Ci...
FDCM: No, see, you're confused. I main evented the most RECENT POW Midwest show with Ci. But that was just last week.
Stephie blinks a few times in bewilderment, and decides not to press the issue.
Stephie: Well then, uh...how are you liking this...brand new...territory...?
FDCM: It's alright I guess. I'm told my opponent is to be Junior Zevon, who I was surprised to learn is the so-called 'champion' of this little fledgling company! That was strange to me. He's only wrestled one match ever, against Shawn Stevens...
Stephie: Uh...no, that was just his only POW Midwest match.
FDCM: Well, yeah. What else is there?
Stephie: You know what? Nevermind. Let's just get your thoughts on your opponent then.
FDCM: Well, I'm told he respects me, so he's great!
Stephie: ...that's it, huh?
FDCM: Sure. I mean, maybe he DOES have opinions on things other than the Friendly Neighborhood FDC Man...but honestly, does anyone care? I really feel I'm the most important thing to POW fans anyway! So if we know how he feels about me, we know the kind of character he is, you know?
Stephie: ...sure?
FDCM: But that's exactly why I was so excited to hear about this new territory! You see, I was starting to get worried that there might not be much competition in the Midwest. I mean, here I am in the main event, minding my own business...and all of a sudden, Kaleb Shadix, Rich Morrison, Shawn Stevens and the Three, er...Four...but with only three members...ah, hell, the Horsemen all show up! But do any of them go after me? Hell no! They all start destroying each other!
Now, far be it from me to complain when all of my most hated rivals start kicking each other's asses. That's just about the optimal situation! But at the same time, I began to worry that none of those guys - the supposed "top talents" in POW Midwest - have their eye on the ball, so to speak. I mean, here they are in a chaotic bedlam, and none of them think to take a swing at the Heavyweight Champion of the World? I mean, I'm sure taking that opportunity is awfully intimidating considering the sheer aura of excellence I exude, but come on. If you can't even break through that, how can you ever hope to challenge me?
Stephie: I...see...
FDCM: So I was saying to myself, "Dammit, self! You're the champion of a promotion where even your top contenders fully realize they have no business picking a fight with you! Who the hell are you going to wrestle?" And that's when Tito Capaci showed up, and explained to me...at great length...that there are two POWs. Quite frankly I'm not sure how it works, alternate pocket dimensions or some shit, but the bottom line is...there was a whole other roster of talent itching for the chance to take my title away! And it looks like the first will be Junior Zevon.
Stephie: ..."Junior?"
FDCM: Yeah, "junior." That's what it means when you see a J next to an R. Pick up a textbook, toots!
Stephie: Uh...huh...
FDCM: I'll be really honest with you, I don't know much about this cat. I know he respects me. I know he knows what it means to be a champion. And I know that this Sunday, he'll be standing across the ring from me in the main event of Over in Dover. And honestly? That's all I need to know. To steal a line from our fearless leader, it's nothing personal. It's nothing against Junior, or against POW New England. But quite simply, he wants this.
FDCM now holds up the POW World Title.
FDCM: He wants MY title. Well I worked hard for this! I busted my ASS for this. This championship is who I am! And I will NOT surrender it easily...not to Junior, not to Randall Lovejoy, not to ANYBODY.
Stephie: Does that mean you won't be accepting his invitation to lunch with him?
FDCM: Are you kidding? Of course I will! I love lunch! Me and lunch are like this.
Rosenberg: I dunno, FDCM. What if it's a trap?
FDCM: Lawyer, you shut your mouth! This isn't Lawyer Time, this is Champ Time! And Junior is a champion, just like me! We have a special bond. An integrity that won't be broken. He won't spring a trap on me, and I won't spring a trap on him. Do YOU know what it's like to be a champion? No. Hell no. I do. Let me handle the Champion business. You can handle the Professional Arguer business.
Stephie: And you're saying Jun...er, JR Zevon can put the same trust in you? You really won't try any funny business?
FDCM: Sweetheart, I am many, many things. But "plotter" and "thinker" are not among those things.
Stephie: I take it that means you will also claim innocence in the sneak attack Rich Morrison and Kaleb Shadix instigated after your match last week? You really had nothing to do with it?
FDCM raises his eyebrows. He and Rosenberg exchange dumbfounded looks, than burst out laughing. After several moments of hysterical laughter, they finally regain their composure...and then lose it again. Rosenberg painfully begins rolling on the floor as FDCM dries tears that are pouring from his eyes, while Stephie just fumes.
FDCM: Hahahaha....aha....aha....ahhhh. Oh, god. Whew...oh, man. Wow. Stephie, Stephie, Stephie. Even completely ignoring what I just said, do you HONESTLY believe even in the SLIGHTEST, that I would EVER be able to cooperate with Rich Morrison in ANY way, on ANY level? I don't think we even speak the same language. I speak English, he speaks some kind of guttural primate grunting. We're on a whole different wavelength. It's incredible we even manage to exist on the same plane of reality!
Rosenberg: It really is quite remarkable.
FDCM: So to answer your...incredibly inane question, no. I had nothing to do with Rich and Shadix showing up after my match last week. Why would I? I was fully capable of handling Big Ci all by myself...
Stephie: You mean, with ONLY the backup of a half-dozen FDC Girls...
FDCM: ...and even if I DID want to have someone jump him after the fact, don't you think I could find somebody more competent than those two? I'm surprised they were even able to find their way to the ring!
All the same, let them fight. Let all those idiots fight! This week, I begin my campaign of domination over the New England territory by defeating its greatest star...Junior Zevon! Then, I return with a vengeance to the Midwest...and whoever's left standing when the dust settles on THAT particular fiasco, I'll be more than happy to finish off! And what is anybody, ANYBODY, gonna do about it!? I'm...the CHAMP!!!
For emphasis, FDCM throws an arm around the nearest FDC Girl and pulls her in for a big, sloppy, kiss she tries her best to pretend to enjoy, followed by a hearty, triumphant laugh.
Stephie: ...alright. Well, I know from experience that that catchphrase means you're done talking now. Other than the press conference later this week, is there any way I could sit in and report on this supposed "lunch" you two are going to have?
FDCM: Sure, baby. No problem at all. I could never resist a woman with an accent...or a vagina.
Stephie: Guh. That's, uh...very poetic, FDCM. Well, I guess I'll see you there...(lucky me)
FDCM: Sure thing. Well, ladies and Lawyer, let's go find a place to raise hell!
With shouts and whoops, FDCM and his entourage file back out of the building, as Stephie tries to decide whether her pay is worth dealing with this idiot...
As the entourage cuts a swath towards the building, several daring interviewers struggle to get a word in edgewise.
Reporter: FDCM, any comments on your upcoming first title defense!?
Another Reporter: How does it feel to return to POW New England!?
Still Another Reporter: Who are you wearing!?!?!?
Cocky smirk never faltering, FDCM coolly shoots down the questions.
FDCM: I'm sorry, but my first interview for this event is reserved EXCLUSIVELY for one journalist in particular! The rest of you are going to have to wait until the pre-fight press conference.
The interviewers respond with disappointment and resentment, but as FDCM and his girls finally make it inside the doors of the building, the two titanic bodyguards turn on the smarmy press and simultaneously give them a DOUBLE TERRIFYING GLARE!!!, which quickly scatters them to the winds.
Inside, FDCM is met by his trusty lawyer, Ken Rosenberg, who speaks conversationally with him as they head down the hall in a businessman's hurry.
Rosenberg: How was the trip from K.C.?
FDCM: We ran out of vodka and had to make a little detour around Columbus. Other than that, same old same old.
Oh, and #47 is in jail somewhere in the Tampa area, something about "indecent exposure and public decadence." You'll probably need to go get her out.
Rosenberg: ...what the hell were you doing in Tampa? That isn't even on the way from-
FDCM: Don't judge me, Lawyer. Just get the job done.
FDCM hands Rosenberg an envelope, which Rosenberg discreetly pockets. He says nothing further on the matter.
FDCM: So where's this interviewer I'm supposed to talk to? Sooner we get that overwith, the sooner we can start looking for a place in Delaware to party. And believe me, finding that place is easier said than done!
Rosenberg: Yes, of course. She's right in here.
The small group heads through a side-door into a small meeting room-type area. Seated at the table with her notepad and camera crew is Stephie Campbell, dressed to the nines.
Stephie: Hullo, FDCM. I'm POW New England's exclusive interviewer, Stephie Campbell.
FDCM grins broadly.
FDCM: You were right, Lawyer. She's PERFECT for an..."exclusive in-depth interview."
Stephie: Do you always talk about women like they aren't standing three feet away from you?
FDCM: Actually...yeah. Pretty much.
Campbell sighs, but says nothing. She's gotten used to this sort of thing.
Stephie: How about if we just start the interview? How does it feel to be defending your World Title for the first time, and how does it feel to also be returning to POW New England for only the second time ever?
FDCM: Well, it's definitely an honor to defend the title, but I have to say I'm not sure what you mean by "returning" to POW New England. I didn't even know this territory existed until like three days ago.
Stephie: ...FDCM, you main evented the first ever New England show with Big Ci...
FDCM: No, see, you're confused. I main evented the most RECENT POW Midwest show with Ci. But that was just last week.
Stephie blinks a few times in bewilderment, and decides not to press the issue.
Stephie: Well then, uh...how are you liking this...brand new...territory...?
FDCM: It's alright I guess. I'm told my opponent is to be Junior Zevon, who I was surprised to learn is the so-called 'champion' of this little fledgling company! That was strange to me. He's only wrestled one match ever, against Shawn Stevens...
Stephie: Uh...no, that was just his only POW Midwest match.
FDCM: Well, yeah. What else is there?
Stephie: You know what? Nevermind. Let's just get your thoughts on your opponent then.
FDCM: Well, I'm told he respects me, so he's great!
Stephie: ...that's it, huh?
FDCM: Sure. I mean, maybe he DOES have opinions on things other than the Friendly Neighborhood FDC Man...but honestly, does anyone care? I really feel I'm the most important thing to POW fans anyway! So if we know how he feels about me, we know the kind of character he is, you know?
Stephie: ...sure?
FDCM: But that's exactly why I was so excited to hear about this new territory! You see, I was starting to get worried that there might not be much competition in the Midwest. I mean, here I am in the main event, minding my own business...and all of a sudden, Kaleb Shadix, Rich Morrison, Shawn Stevens and the Three, er...Four...but with only three members...ah, hell, the Horsemen all show up! But do any of them go after me? Hell no! They all start destroying each other!
Now, far be it from me to complain when all of my most hated rivals start kicking each other's asses. That's just about the optimal situation! But at the same time, I began to worry that none of those guys - the supposed "top talents" in POW Midwest - have their eye on the ball, so to speak. I mean, here they are in a chaotic bedlam, and none of them think to take a swing at the Heavyweight Champion of the World? I mean, I'm sure taking that opportunity is awfully intimidating considering the sheer aura of excellence I exude, but come on. If you can't even break through that, how can you ever hope to challenge me?
Stephie: I...see...
FDCM: So I was saying to myself, "Dammit, self! You're the champion of a promotion where even your top contenders fully realize they have no business picking a fight with you! Who the hell are you going to wrestle?" And that's when Tito Capaci showed up, and explained to me...at great length...that there are two POWs. Quite frankly I'm not sure how it works, alternate pocket dimensions or some shit, but the bottom line is...there was a whole other roster of talent itching for the chance to take my title away! And it looks like the first will be Junior Zevon.
Stephie: ..."Junior?"
FDCM: Yeah, "junior." That's what it means when you see a J next to an R. Pick up a textbook, toots!
Stephie: Uh...huh...
FDCM: I'll be really honest with you, I don't know much about this cat. I know he respects me. I know he knows what it means to be a champion. And I know that this Sunday, he'll be standing across the ring from me in the main event of Over in Dover. And honestly? That's all I need to know. To steal a line from our fearless leader, it's nothing personal. It's nothing against Junior, or against POW New England. But quite simply, he wants this.
FDCM now holds up the POW World Title.
FDCM: He wants MY title. Well I worked hard for this! I busted my ASS for this. This championship is who I am! And I will NOT surrender it easily...not to Junior, not to Randall Lovejoy, not to ANYBODY.
Stephie: Does that mean you won't be accepting his invitation to lunch with him?
FDCM: Are you kidding? Of course I will! I love lunch! Me and lunch are like this.
Rosenberg: I dunno, FDCM. What if it's a trap?
FDCM: Lawyer, you shut your mouth! This isn't Lawyer Time, this is Champ Time! And Junior is a champion, just like me! We have a special bond. An integrity that won't be broken. He won't spring a trap on me, and I won't spring a trap on him. Do YOU know what it's like to be a champion? No. Hell no. I do. Let me handle the Champion business. You can handle the Professional Arguer business.
Stephie: And you're saying Jun...er, JR Zevon can put the same trust in you? You really won't try any funny business?
FDCM: Sweetheart, I am many, many things. But "plotter" and "thinker" are not among those things.
Stephie: I take it that means you will also claim innocence in the sneak attack Rich Morrison and Kaleb Shadix instigated after your match last week? You really had nothing to do with it?
FDCM raises his eyebrows. He and Rosenberg exchange dumbfounded looks, than burst out laughing. After several moments of hysterical laughter, they finally regain their composure...and then lose it again. Rosenberg painfully begins rolling on the floor as FDCM dries tears that are pouring from his eyes, while Stephie just fumes.
FDCM: Hahahaha....aha....aha....ahhhh. Oh, god. Whew...oh, man. Wow. Stephie, Stephie, Stephie. Even completely ignoring what I just said, do you HONESTLY believe even in the SLIGHTEST, that I would EVER be able to cooperate with Rich Morrison in ANY way, on ANY level? I don't think we even speak the same language. I speak English, he speaks some kind of guttural primate grunting. We're on a whole different wavelength. It's incredible we even manage to exist on the same plane of reality!
Rosenberg: It really is quite remarkable.
FDCM: So to answer your...incredibly inane question, no. I had nothing to do with Rich and Shadix showing up after my match last week. Why would I? I was fully capable of handling Big Ci all by myself...
Stephie: You mean, with ONLY the backup of a half-dozen FDC Girls...
FDCM: ...and even if I DID want to have someone jump him after the fact, don't you think I could find somebody more competent than those two? I'm surprised they were even able to find their way to the ring!
All the same, let them fight. Let all those idiots fight! This week, I begin my campaign of domination over the New England territory by defeating its greatest star...Junior Zevon! Then, I return with a vengeance to the Midwest...and whoever's left standing when the dust settles on THAT particular fiasco, I'll be more than happy to finish off! And what is anybody, ANYBODY, gonna do about it!? I'm...the CHAMP!!!
For emphasis, FDCM throws an arm around the nearest FDC Girl and pulls her in for a big, sloppy, kiss she tries her best to pretend to enjoy, followed by a hearty, triumphant laugh.
Stephie: ...alright. Well, I know from experience that that catchphrase means you're done talking now. Other than the press conference later this week, is there any way I could sit in and report on this supposed "lunch" you two are going to have?
FDCM: Sure, baby. No problem at all. I could never resist a woman with an accent...or a vagina.
Stephie: Guh. That's, uh...very poetic, FDCM. Well, I guess I'll see you there...(lucky me)
FDCM: Sure thing. Well, ladies and Lawyer, let's go find a place to raise hell!
With shouts and whoops, FDCM and his entourage file back out of the building, as Stephie tries to decide whether her pay is worth dealing with this idiot...