Post by combat on May 25, 2007 19:19:45 GMT -6
*Here is the Combat Soldier, standing proudly backstage at the Fairfield Community Center in Maine. His elegant chest puffed out like a white stallion, and his gold and silver tassels dangle, shimmering in the lights above him. His arms rest on his hips, and his shoulders are raised with confidence. He looks off into the distance with a sly smirk on his face. Combat Soldier knows of his greatness, and he isn't afraid to flaunt it. Aside him is Lee Cash, POW New England's male backstage interviewer. He grasps the microphone in his hand, slumping his shoulders and glaring at Combat Soldier, who isn't even acknowledging his prescence. Lee's eyes dart about as he scowls, expressing confusion, and just plain not wanting to be in that particular situation. He rubs the back of his head, reluctant to begin the interview. He heaves a sigh, knowing that he will lose his job or get a scolding if he doesn't proceed with the interview. He looks over at the camera and brings the microphone up to his mouth. He takes a deep breath and begins to speak...*
Cash: I'm here with...
*The Combat Solder cuts him off, putting his massive hand near Lee's face. Lee's eyes grow to the size of baseballs, probably wondering what is about to happen to him. Combat begins to speak.*
Combat: Stop Lee! I know what you are about to say! You are about to introduce me, the one and only, Combat Soldier. You announcers are so predictable, you know? It's like you work off a template, doing the same thing over and over again just like everybody else. Don't you want to break the mold? Be something different, Lee! Do something that people will be interested in! Look at me, my life is unlike any other! I'm the Combat Soldier, the most unpredictable man in POW! What the hell have you done with your life?
Lee: Well, honestly I wasn't expecting a career lecture, but I have been a successful announcer in S.E.X. and I'm living a comfortable life doing announcing here in POW for Lovejoy. Why would I want to change anything?
Combat: Because, Mr. Cash, I can detect it just being in your prescence... Mhm...
*Combat brings his thumb and index finger to his chin and strokes it, seemingly in a ponderous state.*
Combat: Yep, I know what your problem is Lee... Just by looking at you it's very clear.
Lee: What are you talking about, Soldier?
Combat: You see, Lee... You have these bad things in your body called "engrams". These are negative, traumatic memories that cause distress and unhappiness in everyday life. This is all in your reactive mind, which you need to get rid of...
Lee: ...Wait, what? I don't know what you're talking about. How do I get rid of these "engrams" and this "reactive mind"?
Combat: Lee, buddy, have you ever heard of the Church of Scientology?
Lee: Uh yeah, I guess so. Isn't that the creepy cult that Tom Cruise is a part of?
Combat: Ye... I mean, no. Tom Cruise is one of the more famous members of the Church, along with John Travolta, Katie Holmes, and the singer, Beck! We are not a cult, we are an organization looking to bring the truth to the world. We want everybody to get in touch with their thetan, so that we all may see clearly.
Lee: Uh, okay... How about we talk about this later? Right now we need to focus on wrestling and POW. What do you have to say about Victor Bloodmoon coming back and attacking you during your match against Josh Eagles last week?
Combat: Victor Bloodmoon!? Is that his name? I don't even remember seeing the bastard before! LEE! DO YOU KNOW WHY HE WOULD DO SUCH A THING TO THE COMBAT SOLDIER!?
*Combat Soldier eyes Lee Cash wildly, expressing extreme anger and frustration. Lee trembles slightly as he slouches back down.*
Lee: Uh... uh... No, Combat... I have no idea why!
Combat: SWEET CHEESUS CRUST!
*Combat Soldier big boots a random passer-by, which will clearly result in some sort of lawsuit. He roars in anger, flexing every muscle in his body. He turns back towards Lee quickly, and Lee flinches, protecting his face with his arms. He opens one eye when he doesn't feel himself being lifted in the air and dropped down. Combat is glaring at the camera, breathing heavily.*
Combat: VICTOR BLOODMOON! I want you to reveal yourself to me! I want to rip you in half and play jump rope with your intestines! I'll Combat Press you directly to the moon, thus making you a man of your word, considering all the blood you will be losing while you are writhing in wretched pain... ON THE MOON!
*Combat continues to glare at the camera, still breathing heavily... but now he grins at the thought of Victor Bloodmoon bleeding all over the moon.*
Lee: Um... So what is your plan going into the tag team match this weekend?
Combat: My plan!? To win of course! JR Zevon? Eastern Heavyweight Champion? BIG DEAL! He hasn't faced the Combat Soldier, and will he ever beat me? MOST CERTAINLY NOT! Victor Bloodmoon? The only way he can get a shot at me is by sneaking up on me... And I won't allow that coward to do such a thing to the Combat Soldier! NEVER!
Lee: How about your partner, John Anthony?
Combat: I don't know much about richy rich man. He isn't my type of guy. One thing I don't like about him is that he talks too nicely about his opponents. This isn't about making friends, Anthony... It's about defeating your opponents and moving up for yourself. I don't need, nor want, any friends. I am a lone Soldier, and I plan to fight my way to the top in that manner.
Lee: So it sounds like you don't plan on getting along with John Anthony in your match?
Combat: No... Not exactly. I have read in some newspaper that he has mentioned my dedication to Combat in a positive light. I'm happy to hear that somebody appreciates what I have given to Combat. So he's all right in my book, at least until we face each other. Then he is a no good rich boy asshat!
*Lee chuckles as if Combat just told a joke, but Combat is very serious about what he said. Lee immediately stops laughing when he notices Combat glaring at him.*
Lee: Ahem... Sorry... Uh, I think that's it, Combat. Thanks for your time...
Combat: Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about L. Ron Hubbard! You see, L. Ron was a man...
*The scene fades out to black as Lee rolls his eyes at Combat trying to sell Scientology to him.*
Cash: I'm here with...
*The Combat Solder cuts him off, putting his massive hand near Lee's face. Lee's eyes grow to the size of baseballs, probably wondering what is about to happen to him. Combat begins to speak.*
Combat: Stop Lee! I know what you are about to say! You are about to introduce me, the one and only, Combat Soldier. You announcers are so predictable, you know? It's like you work off a template, doing the same thing over and over again just like everybody else. Don't you want to break the mold? Be something different, Lee! Do something that people will be interested in! Look at me, my life is unlike any other! I'm the Combat Soldier, the most unpredictable man in POW! What the hell have you done with your life?
Lee: Well, honestly I wasn't expecting a career lecture, but I have been a successful announcer in S.E.X. and I'm living a comfortable life doing announcing here in POW for Lovejoy. Why would I want to change anything?
Combat: Because, Mr. Cash, I can detect it just being in your prescence... Mhm...
*Combat brings his thumb and index finger to his chin and strokes it, seemingly in a ponderous state.*
Combat: Yep, I know what your problem is Lee... Just by looking at you it's very clear.
Lee: What are you talking about, Soldier?
Combat: You see, Lee... You have these bad things in your body called "engrams". These are negative, traumatic memories that cause distress and unhappiness in everyday life. This is all in your reactive mind, which you need to get rid of...
Lee: ...Wait, what? I don't know what you're talking about. How do I get rid of these "engrams" and this "reactive mind"?
Combat: Lee, buddy, have you ever heard of the Church of Scientology?
Lee: Uh yeah, I guess so. Isn't that the creepy cult that Tom Cruise is a part of?
Combat: Ye... I mean, no. Tom Cruise is one of the more famous members of the Church, along with John Travolta, Katie Holmes, and the singer, Beck! We are not a cult, we are an organization looking to bring the truth to the world. We want everybody to get in touch with their thetan, so that we all may see clearly.
Lee: Uh, okay... How about we talk about this later? Right now we need to focus on wrestling and POW. What do you have to say about Victor Bloodmoon coming back and attacking you during your match against Josh Eagles last week?
Combat: Victor Bloodmoon!? Is that his name? I don't even remember seeing the bastard before! LEE! DO YOU KNOW WHY HE WOULD DO SUCH A THING TO THE COMBAT SOLDIER!?
*Combat Soldier eyes Lee Cash wildly, expressing extreme anger and frustration. Lee trembles slightly as he slouches back down.*
Lee: Uh... uh... No, Combat... I have no idea why!
Combat: SWEET CHEESUS CRUST!
*Combat Soldier big boots a random passer-by, which will clearly result in some sort of lawsuit. He roars in anger, flexing every muscle in his body. He turns back towards Lee quickly, and Lee flinches, protecting his face with his arms. He opens one eye when he doesn't feel himself being lifted in the air and dropped down. Combat is glaring at the camera, breathing heavily.*
Combat: VICTOR BLOODMOON! I want you to reveal yourself to me! I want to rip you in half and play jump rope with your intestines! I'll Combat Press you directly to the moon, thus making you a man of your word, considering all the blood you will be losing while you are writhing in wretched pain... ON THE MOON!
*Combat continues to glare at the camera, still breathing heavily... but now he grins at the thought of Victor Bloodmoon bleeding all over the moon.*
Lee: Um... So what is your plan going into the tag team match this weekend?
Combat: My plan!? To win of course! JR Zevon? Eastern Heavyweight Champion? BIG DEAL! He hasn't faced the Combat Soldier, and will he ever beat me? MOST CERTAINLY NOT! Victor Bloodmoon? The only way he can get a shot at me is by sneaking up on me... And I won't allow that coward to do such a thing to the Combat Soldier! NEVER!
Lee: How about your partner, John Anthony?
Combat: I don't know much about richy rich man. He isn't my type of guy. One thing I don't like about him is that he talks too nicely about his opponents. This isn't about making friends, Anthony... It's about defeating your opponents and moving up for yourself. I don't need, nor want, any friends. I am a lone Soldier, and I plan to fight my way to the top in that manner.
Lee: So it sounds like you don't plan on getting along with John Anthony in your match?
Combat: No... Not exactly. I have read in some newspaper that he has mentioned my dedication to Combat in a positive light. I'm happy to hear that somebody appreciates what I have given to Combat. So he's all right in my book, at least until we face each other. Then he is a no good rich boy asshat!
*Lee chuckles as if Combat just told a joke, but Combat is very serious about what he said. Lee immediately stops laughing when he notices Combat glaring at him.*
Lee: Ahem... Sorry... Uh, I think that's it, Combat. Thanks for your time...
Combat: Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about L. Ron Hubbard! You see, L. Ron was a man...
*The scene fades out to black as Lee rolls his eyes at Combat trying to sell Scientology to him.*