Post by Zevon on Apr 16, 2007 13:10:35 GMT -6
*Open to backstage promo area, POW: New England banner in the background. JR Zevon in ring gear ready to give promo.*
Zevon: Next Sunday night, Lethal Lot...
(Zevon looks about, confused.)
Zevon: Where's Francis?
Staff member Ed: Who?
Zevon: Francis Hale, camera operator. Carries my bags.
Ed: Phil is handling the camera.
Zevon (serious): Francis handles my work.
Ed: POW does not employ anyone named Francis.
Zevon: I employ Francis.
Ed: I don't understand where you're going with this.
Zevon: I employ Francis. He handles my camera work. I'm not cutting a promo for you fools without Francis.
Ed: POW does not employ Francis. We employ Phil. Phil will handle this promo.
Zevon: Francis handles my promos. Send Phil and his fancy camera to get me a sandwich and get Francis in here.
Ed: I don't know a Francis.
Phil (to Ed): Isn't he that guy who sent us his first promo. The one with the cat.
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Ed: You want HIM to handle the camera?
Zevon: Yes. He is my personal video technician.
Phil: He shot a promo about a cat...
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Phil: on a home video camera.
Ed: It looked awful. We're a first class operation here.
Zevon: Are you saying Francis can't do his job?
Ed: Francis doesn't have a job, Phil does.
Zevon: Phil can shoot Bloodmoon or Captain Ireland, but Francis shoots me.
Phil: Lovejoy specifically told me to shoot this one. He felt the last one lacked quality.
Zevon: Because that ass won't give Francis his own damn camera.
Ed: Why the hell would he give a professional quality camera to some ass who shoots shaky, grainy material about cats.
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Phil: And it didn't even have an ending, it just shut off.
Zevon: Because I am a high quality talent. Didn't I prove that Sunday night?
Ed: Well...
Zevon: Well what?
Phil: We've seen better.
Zevon: What the hell does that mean? I stole the damn show!
Ed: Well.. you did have some help.
Zevon: BLASPHEMY!
(Ed and Phil are stunned.)
Zevon: Get Francis in here now or forget about the promo!
(Ed is on his cell phone.)
Phil: What is wrong with me? Why can't I do it? What's the deal with this Francis character?
Zevon: I trust Francis. I don't trust you. I don't trust the moron with his little electronic trinket stuck to his ear. Francis, and only Francis, shoots my promos. Got it?
Phil (bewildered): No.
Zevon: Why not?
(Pause. Ed finishes one phone.)
Zevon: What was so important that you made a call on MY time?
Ed: Lovejoy. He says shoot the damn promo or sit at home on your ass next Sunday and lose your shot at the title.
Zevon: Then bring Francis in here!
Ed: f**k FRANCIS! Phil is quality! Francis is shit! Shoot the God damn promo or find another job!
(Dramatic Pause)
Zevon: Fine. Fine. But next time I want Francis behind the wheel. Are you ready.... (with great distaste) Phil.
Phil: Go.
Zevon: When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks his closet for ME!
(Zevon calmly exits. Ed wanders in front of camera, stupefied.)
Ed: A Chuck Norris joke? What is his deal?
Phil: Only God knows.
Ed: How's that going to get him over with the crowd?
Phil: Who cares? I never shut the camera off the first time.
Ed: We have it all on tape? Excellent. Throw it on the air. Let the world see his hissy fit.
(Phil enters shot from behind camera.)
Phil: Zevon, take Francis and shove him up your ass!.... He's probably been there many times before.
*Phil goes back behind camera. Ed is shaking his head in bemusement. Fade to POW logo.*
Zevon: Next Sunday night, Lethal Lot...
(Zevon looks about, confused.)
Zevon: Where's Francis?
Staff member Ed: Who?
Zevon: Francis Hale, camera operator. Carries my bags.
Ed: Phil is handling the camera.
Zevon (serious): Francis handles my work.
Ed: POW does not employ anyone named Francis.
Zevon: I employ Francis.
Ed: I don't understand where you're going with this.
Zevon: I employ Francis. He handles my camera work. I'm not cutting a promo for you fools without Francis.
Ed: POW does not employ Francis. We employ Phil. Phil will handle this promo.
Zevon: Francis handles my promos. Send Phil and his fancy camera to get me a sandwich and get Francis in here.
Ed: I don't know a Francis.
Phil (to Ed): Isn't he that guy who sent us his first promo. The one with the cat.
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Ed: You want HIM to handle the camera?
Zevon: Yes. He is my personal video technician.
Phil: He shot a promo about a cat...
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Phil: on a home video camera.
Ed: It looked awful. We're a first class operation here.
Zevon: Are you saying Francis can't do his job?
Ed: Francis doesn't have a job, Phil does.
Zevon: Phil can shoot Bloodmoon or Captain Ireland, but Francis shoots me.
Phil: Lovejoy specifically told me to shoot this one. He felt the last one lacked quality.
Zevon: Because that ass won't give Francis his own damn camera.
Ed: Why the hell would he give a professional quality camera to some ass who shoots shaky, grainy material about cats.
Zevon: Mr. Kitters.
Phil: And it didn't even have an ending, it just shut off.
Zevon: Because I am a high quality talent. Didn't I prove that Sunday night?
Ed: Well...
Zevon: Well what?
Phil: We've seen better.
Zevon: What the hell does that mean? I stole the damn show!
Ed: Well.. you did have some help.
Zevon: BLASPHEMY!
(Ed and Phil are stunned.)
Zevon: Get Francis in here now or forget about the promo!
(Ed is on his cell phone.)
Phil: What is wrong with me? Why can't I do it? What's the deal with this Francis character?
Zevon: I trust Francis. I don't trust you. I don't trust the moron with his little electronic trinket stuck to his ear. Francis, and only Francis, shoots my promos. Got it?
Phil (bewildered): No.
Zevon: Why not?
(Pause. Ed finishes one phone.)
Zevon: What was so important that you made a call on MY time?
Ed: Lovejoy. He says shoot the damn promo or sit at home on your ass next Sunday and lose your shot at the title.
Zevon: Then bring Francis in here!
Ed: f**k FRANCIS! Phil is quality! Francis is shit! Shoot the God damn promo or find another job!
(Dramatic Pause)
Zevon: Fine. Fine. But next time I want Francis behind the wheel. Are you ready.... (with great distaste) Phil.
Phil: Go.
Zevon: When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks his closet for ME!
(Zevon calmly exits. Ed wanders in front of camera, stupefied.)
Ed: A Chuck Norris joke? What is his deal?
Phil: Only God knows.
Ed: How's that going to get him over with the crowd?
Phil: Who cares? I never shut the camera off the first time.
Ed: We have it all on tape? Excellent. Throw it on the air. Let the world see his hissy fit.
(Phil enters shot from behind camera.)
Phil: Zevon, take Francis and shove him up your ass!.... He's probably been there many times before.
*Phil goes back behind camera. Ed is shaking his head in bemusement. Fade to POW logo.*
