Post by combat on Apr 16, 2007 14:57:10 GMT -6
*Backstage at the Court Time Sports Center in Elizabeth, Pennsylvania (Which is not in New England) the Combat Soldier stands, dressed up in his wrestling attire. His face paint flawlessly painted on. Beside him stands a somewhat puzzled Stephie Campbell holding a microphone and standing next to Soldier, who appears focused on something beyond the view of the camera. Stephie politely clears her throat and begins the interview.*
"We're here with..."
*Stephie is interrupted by Soldier, who rudely sticks his hand near her face.*
"Quiet Ma'am. I am focusing my Combat Powers. This will take at least thirty more minutes."
*Stephie looks down at her watch as The Combat Soldier continues to stare into nothingness. She heaves a sigh and begins to speak again in her British accent.*
"Excuse me Mr. Soldier, but why are we here? The show isn't until the 22nd! There is nobody here at the arena... I'm not even sure if we are allowed here!"
"QUIET WOMAN!" Combat Soldier snarls. "What's your name again!?" He yells unnecessarily.
"Stephie Campbell..." She says.
"Well listen here Helena! I am The COMBAT SOLDIER! I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT! Why, just last week I had dinner at a fancy restaurant and sent back a steak, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS COOKED PERFECTLY FINE! I live to make my opponents wish they were never born! And when I don't have opponents, I just like to make people angry! COMBAT AND CHAOS ARE MY ID AND MY EGO! Deep inside my mind is a concoction of hatred and power! POWER!"
*Combat flexes as Helena... er... Stephie looks on with a priceless expression of confusion and disgust.*
"...Anyways..." Stephie mutters. "I'm wondering why you are dressed up to wrestle, even though your debut isn't until next week?"
*Combat Soldier puffs out his chest and begins laughing like she just told a funny ass joke.*
"BWAHAHA! You are clearly unaware of the Combat Soldier's ALWAYS READY FOR COMBAT policy! I dress this way just in case somebody wants to battle wherever I am. The only time I am out of costume is after a sweaty match and I need to take a shower. Even then, I'm still ready for nude combat. I've prepared for that."
*Stephie shudders at the thought of The Combat Soldier naked.*
"So uh... You sleep in your gear too?"
*Combat Soldier gets pissed.*
"Yes Stephlena! What don't you understand about ALWAYS READY FOR COMBAT!?!? Because I could always give you a several hour long presentation about the different types of Combat policies! I've memorized every single one! The gods wouldn't allow such a crime!"
"Sorry Mr. Soldier... Anyways, what are your thoughts about your opponents in your upcoming three way matchup?"
*Soldier begins to breathe heavily, pumping himself up. His body begins to quake.*
"MY OPPONENTS! TACO VERDE ENRIQUE ALVAREZ... Have you ever felt pain!? Have you ever witnessed destruction!? Because I create madness! My reach extends from the edge of the universe to your pencil necked throat Alvarez! The Combat Army will consume your body and eat away at your flesh... Tearing through your skin, ripping through the muscle tissue, and licking your bones clean! We will take your organs and consume them, while emitting a victory roar! YOU PROBABLY TASTE GOOD WITH HOT SAUCE... NOT PUSSY MILD EITHER! EXTREME HOT! Whether I defeat you or our despicable opponent, of whom I will tear a new one pretty soon, you will be sure to remember that COMBAT SOLDIER TOTALLY PWNED YOUUUUUU!!!"
"What about your other opponent Buddy Love?" Stephie inquires.
"HE IS A HIPPIE! I HATE HIPPIES! I HATE LOVE! LOVE IS AN EMOTION AND THE COMBAT SOLDIER ONLY FEELS THREE OF THOSE; ANGER FRUSTRATION AND SUPER ANGER FRUSTRATION!!! And I'll tell you something Mr. Love! BREASTS ARE ONLY A DISTRACTION FOR THOSE WHO ARE TRULY CHAMPIONS!"
*Stephie interrupts*
"So wait... you don't like women?"
"HATE THEM!" Soldier yells.
"So that means you are... homosex..."
*Soldier interrupts her.*
"COMBATSEXUAL! I GET OFF TO COMBAT AND NOTHING ELSE! COMBAT GIVES ME A MAJOR HARD ON!"
*Stephie's jaw is dropped to the floor... this man is insane.*
"...I can't do this anymore..." Stephie throws up her arms. She looks at the camera man. "Do I really have to continue with this!?"
"Just do it... He probably has no idea what is going on right now..." The cameraman whispers. Stephie sighs, and holds the microphone back up. "Anyways... Combat Soldier, what do you do to prepare yourself before a matchup?"
*Combat Soldier grins.*
"Well, I, The Combat Soldier, generally follow a strict routine prior to any form of competition. It begins in the morning at 4:00 AM. I wake up promptly because the snooze button is for Nancy boys. Generally I go eat at last one box of Wheaties, and I wash it down with a gallon of protein shake. After breakfast, I go out for my morning sprint at the local track. I do 100 laps every morning while listening to my theme song on loop the whole time. After that I spend about an hour yelling. By then it's lunch time. I always eat a bologna sandwich with the crusts cut off just like Mombat Soldier used to make when I was just a little tyke. After that I go on the Internet and research every single one of my opponents and their movesets."
*Combat looks around, like anybody is actually looking...*
"Psst... I got this website that has everybody in POW and what their moves are! BWAHAHA! After that I watch my promos on tape and try and improve my natural Combat Charisma. Then I usually go out and get some dinner, then go to be promptly at 8 o'clock PM with Mr. Snugglesworth."
*Stephie looks slightly confused...*
"Uh... I'm not going to ask... I think we should wrap this up Mr. Soldier. I'm Stephie Campbell. Goodbye..."
*The scene fades to black as Combat Soldier goes back into his Combat Power trance.*
"We're here with..."
*Stephie is interrupted by Soldier, who rudely sticks his hand near her face.*
"Quiet Ma'am. I am focusing my Combat Powers. This will take at least thirty more minutes."
*Stephie looks down at her watch as The Combat Soldier continues to stare into nothingness. She heaves a sigh and begins to speak again in her British accent.*
"Excuse me Mr. Soldier, but why are we here? The show isn't until the 22nd! There is nobody here at the arena... I'm not even sure if we are allowed here!"
"QUIET WOMAN!" Combat Soldier snarls. "What's your name again!?" He yells unnecessarily.
"Stephie Campbell..." She says.
"Well listen here Helena! I am The COMBAT SOLDIER! I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT! Why, just last week I had dinner at a fancy restaurant and sent back a steak, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS COOKED PERFECTLY FINE! I live to make my opponents wish they were never born! And when I don't have opponents, I just like to make people angry! COMBAT AND CHAOS ARE MY ID AND MY EGO! Deep inside my mind is a concoction of hatred and power! POWER!"
*Combat flexes as Helena... er... Stephie looks on with a priceless expression of confusion and disgust.*
"...Anyways..." Stephie mutters. "I'm wondering why you are dressed up to wrestle, even though your debut isn't until next week?"
*Combat Soldier puffs out his chest and begins laughing like she just told a funny ass joke.*
"BWAHAHA! You are clearly unaware of the Combat Soldier's ALWAYS READY FOR COMBAT policy! I dress this way just in case somebody wants to battle wherever I am. The only time I am out of costume is after a sweaty match and I need to take a shower. Even then, I'm still ready for nude combat. I've prepared for that."
*Stephie shudders at the thought of The Combat Soldier naked.*
"So uh... You sleep in your gear too?"
*Combat Soldier gets pissed.*
"Yes Stephlena! What don't you understand about ALWAYS READY FOR COMBAT!?!? Because I could always give you a several hour long presentation about the different types of Combat policies! I've memorized every single one! The gods wouldn't allow such a crime!"
"Sorry Mr. Soldier... Anyways, what are your thoughts about your opponents in your upcoming three way matchup?"
*Soldier begins to breathe heavily, pumping himself up. His body begins to quake.*
"MY OPPONENTS! TACO VERDE ENRIQUE ALVAREZ... Have you ever felt pain!? Have you ever witnessed destruction!? Because I create madness! My reach extends from the edge of the universe to your pencil necked throat Alvarez! The Combat Army will consume your body and eat away at your flesh... Tearing through your skin, ripping through the muscle tissue, and licking your bones clean! We will take your organs and consume them, while emitting a victory roar! YOU PROBABLY TASTE GOOD WITH HOT SAUCE... NOT PUSSY MILD EITHER! EXTREME HOT! Whether I defeat you or our despicable opponent, of whom I will tear a new one pretty soon, you will be sure to remember that COMBAT SOLDIER TOTALLY PWNED YOUUUUUU!!!"
"What about your other opponent Buddy Love?" Stephie inquires.
"HE IS A HIPPIE! I HATE HIPPIES! I HATE LOVE! LOVE IS AN EMOTION AND THE COMBAT SOLDIER ONLY FEELS THREE OF THOSE; ANGER FRUSTRATION AND SUPER ANGER FRUSTRATION!!! And I'll tell you something Mr. Love! BREASTS ARE ONLY A DISTRACTION FOR THOSE WHO ARE TRULY CHAMPIONS!"
*Stephie interrupts*
"So wait... you don't like women?"
"HATE THEM!" Soldier yells.
"So that means you are... homosex..."
*Soldier interrupts her.*
"COMBATSEXUAL! I GET OFF TO COMBAT AND NOTHING ELSE! COMBAT GIVES ME A MAJOR HARD ON!"
*Stephie's jaw is dropped to the floor... this man is insane.*
"...I can't do this anymore..." Stephie throws up her arms. She looks at the camera man. "Do I really have to continue with this!?"
"Just do it... He probably has no idea what is going on right now..." The cameraman whispers. Stephie sighs, and holds the microphone back up. "Anyways... Combat Soldier, what do you do to prepare yourself before a matchup?"
*Combat Soldier grins.*
"Well, I, The Combat Soldier, generally follow a strict routine prior to any form of competition. It begins in the morning at 4:00 AM. I wake up promptly because the snooze button is for Nancy boys. Generally I go eat at last one box of Wheaties, and I wash it down with a gallon of protein shake. After breakfast, I go out for my morning sprint at the local track. I do 100 laps every morning while listening to my theme song on loop the whole time. After that I spend about an hour yelling. By then it's lunch time. I always eat a bologna sandwich with the crusts cut off just like Mombat Soldier used to make when I was just a little tyke. After that I go on the Internet and research every single one of my opponents and their movesets."
*Combat looks around, like anybody is actually looking...*
"Psst... I got this website that has everybody in POW and what their moves are! BWAHAHA! After that I watch my promos on tape and try and improve my natural Combat Charisma. Then I usually go out and get some dinner, then go to be promptly at 8 o'clock PM with Mr. Snugglesworth."
*Stephie looks slightly confused...*
"Uh... I'm not going to ask... I think we should wrap this up Mr. Soldier. I'm Stephie Campbell. Goodbye..."
*The scene fades to black as Combat Soldier goes back into his Combat Power trance.*