Post by combat on Apr 15, 2007 11:06:49 GMT -6
*The scene opens with the Combat Soldier standing in front of a wall with a picture of a map of New England directly behind him. He's dressed up in his wrestling outfit complete with face paint, tassels, and no shirt. He flexes his biceps and looks at them, acting as if the camera weren't even there. He gives one more strong man pose and finally turns his attention to the camera.*
"The time has arrived... The Combat Soldier has entered the battlefield that is POWER... ON... WRESTLING! Oh yes, it's been a while, but the Soldier cannot stand to be away from the competition for more that five minutes! Hell I'll beat a kid in rock paper scissors just to see the look of disappointment on his face. And I will flex my godly biceps before him, and unleash my victory roar! I AM THE CHAMPION OF ANYTHING I DO!"
*The Soldier snarls and exhales with a look of anger.*
"You may be wondering why my muscles are so shiny. Contrary to popular belief, I do not rub vegetable oil on myself before interviews. This here is pure, sweaty... sweat. It's symbolizes the hard work and dedication of a man dedicated to combat... THE COMBAT SOLDIER! Oh yes! Oh my! Oh boy! I will defeat the entire New England region from Connecticut all the way up to the cold northern region of Maine! THAT'S RIGHT, NEW YORK AND NEW JERSEY ARE NOT A PART OF NEW ENGLAND!"
*The Soldier turns around and rips up the New England map to shreds. He turns around and roars, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head as if he were having some sort of seizure.*
"Oh yes, the Combat Army will give me the power to tear through the entire six states that make up the evil that is New England. I HATE THE RED SOX! THEY ARE THE WORST BASEBALL TEAM THAT HAS EVER BEEN CONCEIVED BY BUD SELIG'S UTERUS! GRARAHRARHARAH!"
*The Combat Soldier is going completely nuts.*
"I AM THE COMBAT SOLDIER! IF MY WORDS WERE BEING TYPED AS I SPEAK MOST OF THEM WOULD BE CAPITALIZED! And I will tell you right now Randall Lovejoy, if you believe that you can control the unfathomable insanity that the COMBAT SOLDIER will bring upon your puny promotion, you are damn wrong! DAMN WRONG! You cannot control me, Tito Capaci cannot control me, and most of all, Bobby McAnus cannot control me! I TEAR OPEN ANUSES LIKE A CAN OPENER SEND FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE!"
*Soldier flexes for like 2 minutes while grunting.*
"POW, I will leave you with this... The BIG BANG is said to be the creation of our universe as we know it. From the universes, to the solar systems, to the planets, to the continents, to the countries, to the regions, to the states, to the cities, to the towns, to the neighborhoods, to your very own house. But all that is wrong! I WAS CREATED BY THE BIG BANG! I AM THE SON OF THE UNIVERSE! I AM THE COMBAT SOLDIER AND I AM UNBEATABLE! So when the time comes for The Combat Warrior to make his debut into Power On Wrestling, you will be sure that it will be the most important event in the history of time! I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ANYMORE!"
*Combat Soldier exits, stage left. The scene fades out.*
"The time has arrived... The Combat Soldier has entered the battlefield that is POWER... ON... WRESTLING! Oh yes, it's been a while, but the Soldier cannot stand to be away from the competition for more that five minutes! Hell I'll beat a kid in rock paper scissors just to see the look of disappointment on his face. And I will flex my godly biceps before him, and unleash my victory roar! I AM THE CHAMPION OF ANYTHING I DO!"
*The Soldier snarls and exhales with a look of anger.*
"You may be wondering why my muscles are so shiny. Contrary to popular belief, I do not rub vegetable oil on myself before interviews. This here is pure, sweaty... sweat. It's symbolizes the hard work and dedication of a man dedicated to combat... THE COMBAT SOLDIER! Oh yes! Oh my! Oh boy! I will defeat the entire New England region from Connecticut all the way up to the cold northern region of Maine! THAT'S RIGHT, NEW YORK AND NEW JERSEY ARE NOT A PART OF NEW ENGLAND!"
*The Soldier turns around and rips up the New England map to shreds. He turns around and roars, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head as if he were having some sort of seizure.*
"Oh yes, the Combat Army will give me the power to tear through the entire six states that make up the evil that is New England. I HATE THE RED SOX! THEY ARE THE WORST BASEBALL TEAM THAT HAS EVER BEEN CONCEIVED BY BUD SELIG'S UTERUS! GRARAHRARHARAH!"
*The Combat Soldier is going completely nuts.*
"I AM THE COMBAT SOLDIER! IF MY WORDS WERE BEING TYPED AS I SPEAK MOST OF THEM WOULD BE CAPITALIZED! And I will tell you right now Randall Lovejoy, if you believe that you can control the unfathomable insanity that the COMBAT SOLDIER will bring upon your puny promotion, you are damn wrong! DAMN WRONG! You cannot control me, Tito Capaci cannot control me, and most of all, Bobby McAnus cannot control me! I TEAR OPEN ANUSES LIKE A CAN OPENER SEND FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE!"
*Soldier flexes for like 2 minutes while grunting.*
"POW, I will leave you with this... The BIG BANG is said to be the creation of our universe as we know it. From the universes, to the solar systems, to the planets, to the continents, to the countries, to the regions, to the states, to the cities, to the towns, to the neighborhoods, to your very own house. But all that is wrong! I WAS CREATED BY THE BIG BANG! I AM THE SON OF THE UNIVERSE! I AM THE COMBAT SOLDIER AND I AM UNBEATABLE! So when the time comes for The Combat Warrior to make his debut into Power On Wrestling, you will be sure that it will be the most important event in the history of time! I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ANYMORE!"
*Combat Soldier exits, stage left. The scene fades out.*